At the meeting today they were talking about the 2nd Step. Most admitted to struggles in coming to believe. A lot of it reminded me of myself.
But one of the things that struck me, as the meeting went on, was that there was no mention of the BB in all of this. For me without that, I probably would have missed what I needed to know and how that Book turned me around and opened my mind. It literally was a life saver for me.
I know all about opinions. God knows I’ve had so many of them that I nearly drove myself crazy. And it’s nice to know that so many have found what they needed to help them stay sober. But the invaluable help of what is written in that BB is something I depended upon.
My sponsor pointed this out to me early on and helped me to get started in reading and studying the BB. And it was the BB, which opened the door for me in the 2nd Step. How his insistance that I read that 4th Chapter, We Agnostics, was what made me willing to do what was being asked of me. Get a spiritual life or die and alcoholic death? That did it for me. I became willing to believe. And that was the start of putting this program into action with the help of my Higher Power.
I was telling someone outside how, when I often couldn’t go to sleep early on, I would call my sponsor, like he told me to do. He would tell me to go to the BB and open it. I would say, where in the BB? His reply was, anywhere. But I would do it and guess what? Sleep would come to me. Sounds dumb, but that’s the way it was.
The BB became my guide through this program. If I had been left to my own devices, my thinking, I probably wouldn’t be here. But having a guide, a touchstone in this program, kept me sane and on track. Everything in there I can identify with. Not just a guide to the 12 Steps and how to work them, but a source of solutions to problems I often faced. Not just with alcohol, which is the main thrust, but in other areas of my life.
Then there were all those stories, most of which I immediately identified with. I found that they too were guides in how to live this way of life sober. They gave me a flavor to this program so that I could look around in these rooms and understand what was going on and also identify with the men and women in here.
My sponsor pointed out to me that he didn’t want me to just read the BB, he wanted me to study it. To come to know what it said and what it meant for me and all of us. To have some reference to turn to, not only when I needed it, but even when I didn’t. A support to lean on. And it indeed became just that.
When I first came in I didn’t know what was wrong with me, except I could not stop drinking. That’s when I first read the Doctor’s Opinion. And there it was. The complete description of what was wrong with me. Not only did it open my eyes and my mind, but it relieved me of the burden of thinking I was the cause, that I was weak willed, and immoral.
Then I saw the chapter There Is A Solution. Just that alone was like a miracle. There really was a solution. And when I read what happened to that young man and what Dr. Carl Jung told him was a solution, I came to believe that maybe I could find that too. It gave me hope, which eventually became faith. Slowly, following the guidelines, I came to believe and became willing to do what was laid out in that BB.
I used to write in the margins and highlight different sentences, which jumped out at me. In time that BB became pages of highlights and notes. I even remember seeing others’ BBs, with words in the margin, like, this wasn’t here the last time I read it. That always made me laugh.
Anyway, I couldn’t help but think about the BB by virtue of its absence in the talks today. It reminded me of just how valuable it was in my life. How it was the BB, which so influenced me, when it came to this 2nd Step. And the truth is, all the 12 Steps and beyond. I can’t help but think how wonderful it was that Bill and all those old timers had put together a BB for us and it still is invaluable and still the guide that all of us need to stay sober. I don’t have to wonder what would have happened, if they hadn’t. The fact is that they did and that it has helped to save millions of lives and gotten so many sober, including myself. To say that I’m grateful is an understatement.