Was talking to a friend in the program today and he said he had a new man he was sponsoring, who, though he only had a short time, had already made a major change. He said he had warned the man of the dangers of making such changes, but he went ahead anyway. He had decided to start a new relationship.
I can remember, when I was new that I was cautioned to go slow and not make any changes in the first year. I didn’t want to rock the boat, because I never wanted to drink again. So I did listen and thinking back I was glad I did.
Over time I have watched others, who did make such changes and they often never worked out. Not only that, but many the person went back out and drank again. Out of anger and resentment from whatever the failure was.
The man, with whom I was talking, referred to his own experiences in trying to fill that vacuum within with things outside of himself. He said, referring back to when he was drinking, how, no matter what the feelings of pleasure or fun, they never lasted and he would end up lonely and feeling lost and dissapointed.
The old timers used to call that “the God hole”. That emptiness inside of each of us, which we always tried to fill from the outside. And no matter what we dumped into that hole it never changed a thing and only made it worse. We would always try to wipe the emptiness out with a drink.
I was told that the only way I could fill that darkness within was from the inside. That’s where a Higher Power came into the picture. And, of course, it’s exactly what happened to me. I found that building a relationship with my higher power eliminated that hole. I discovered I could be alone and not lonely. And to me that was one of the many spiritual awakenings I have experienced in this program.
That’s why, as we talked, avoiding major changes in the beginning is always so important. That spiritual sickness most of us come in with, when we are new, has to be treated with the start of putting this program into action. Not only the surrender to our being powerless over alcohol and acknowledging the unmanageability of our lives, but becoming serious about this program. The desire to stop drinking and staying stopped, which starts with that 2nd Step. If we’re serious we won’t let anything get in the way. If we’re not…
But then I had to learn that I’m powerless over others. If someone has made up their mind to do something, regardless of how dangerous, I can’t change their minds. All I can do is tell them the truth and hope that they listen.
Thinking about sobriety again.