Today we talked about staying sober and the Eleventh Step. But that’s not all I thought about. Other thoughts had to do with conversations I have had with friends of mine in this program. And what were they about? Relationships.
Often when I think about relationships I have to do what any number of alcoholics I know have told me. I have to go to the Serenity Prayer. Why is that? Again it’s a reminder of just how powerless I am over people. I discover just how huge an ego I have. Wow! For me to think I can change others is unbelievable. And why would I want to change them?
All this has to do with the Seventh Step, the Tenth, and the Eleventh. Really? Yes. What’s wrong? It’s my conception of who and what I am. And where did that come from? My ego. I know that, but why? Someplace along the line in my developing and growing up, lost in my unconscious mind, as Bill refers to in the Eight Step in the 12&12, are things which apparently happened to me, which changed my life for the worst. Doesn’t make me a bad person, just my reactions to life.
Anger, worry, fear, anxiety, resentments, and a host of other difficulties pop up. Often when I’m not ready. That’s because, even though I have no memory of what it was that happened, my emotions remember and they’re the trigger. And what’s the solution to this? Psychiatrists and psychologists, if they are honest, and I’ve read a number of them, will tell you that their professions cannot cure what’s wrong. There’s no way we can get rid of our egos. So, what’s the answer?
That’s why, when we were talking today, I was encouraged by what I heard. I knew exactly from experience what they were saying. The solution is spiritual. The famous psychiatrist Dr. Scott Peck wrote about this years ago and said the same thing. And over time I have found the same answer. My dependency on my Higher Power. And that’s why I often bring up the Second Step. It was this Step which changed my life in this program. I surrendered and came to believe in a Power Greater than myself. I came to hope and then believe that I could be restored to sanity. And that’s what the spiritual awakening was all about. Not only with me but all of us, who are sober in this program.
Learning to turn things over to my Higher Power, the God of my understanding, the Third Step. It begins with that. And like I said above that this is part of what the Serenity Prayer does. It’s the beginning. I need to learn how to pay attention to what’s going on. To have some awareness. And when my emotions start to wake up, I need to ask for help as soon as possible. I’m not in control. But as soon as I can I need to pray and ask for help and then let go of whatever it is. If I practice this over time I will find whatever it is minimized, or even removed.
If I want to stay sober, I will do whatever it is I need to do in order to maintain a spiritual way of life. It’s the basis of my sobriety. I was told all of this in the beginning, when my sponsor told me that I was to think with my head and not my heart. To do this it took time. A lot of time and a lot of problems I had to undergo. That old saying, time takes time. I had to learn patience. If I wanted to stay sober I had to learn this. And I did want to stay sober and I still do.
And that’s what we were talking about today. Staying sober and the Eleventh Step. I’m grateful I was there to hear what I needed.