There is no doubt in my mind about the “human condition”. It’s always there. Trying to live this spiritual way of life in order to stay sober is an amazing way of living. I’ve seen a lot of people in the time I have been here, who were very spiritual in the way I think most of us would view that thought. Yet in spite of that, the human condition is still there.
I know we can be going along to meetings, praying and meditating, putting this way of living into action in our daily lives, practicing these principles in all of our affairs, helping others, and then all of a sudden back comes that stuff from the Seventh Step. Our character defects. I call it my bumbling and fumbling and stumbling. I hit a brick wall and find myself trying to get back on track again. Fortunately it didn’t cost me a drink or I wouldn’t be here writing this.
The human condition is there for a good reason. It’s there to make sure I know Who is in charge. My Higher Power and my dependency on Him. It’s a reminder to me that I’m a human being. In this case an alcoholic, who needs all the help he can get to remain sober. I don’t want to ever drink again, but this is a lifetime disease. It’s not going anywhere. It’s incurable. And I need to be aware of that and stay with this program each and everyday.
One of the reasons I was thinking about this is because I have opportunities to talk to an awful lot of people over time. People I admire, who are great examples of what this program is all about. But people like us all. Human. And what I was thinking about, because I have been through them too, were conflicts most of us have or had throughout our lives. Many of us dragged them in with us because they often included others close to us.
So, when someone brings them up, I know exactly where they are and what they’re talking about. However, been through this stuff before and having worked on them over time, I now have a different perspective. Funny thing is, as I think about it, I often today can see the other side of these. The person or persons, who are the object of all these. And though I may not understand all of it, because I’m not there, my mind has changed. And that has freed me of much of this.
I didn’t have to really do much except to come to understand where I was in all of this. Having that understanding gave me a new view. I came to see that they really were where I was all along, except I couldn’t see or understand it at the time. It gave me the opportunity to get out of my own way. What they did or thought was no longer my business. My business was me and to learn to forgive and forget. The Tenth Step. Whenever I was disturbed there was something wrong with me. And all I had to do was take care of my side of the street.
Easy? Absolutely not. Again time takes time. And it did take talking to others and prayer and meditation. But eventually the changes came. They’re still there. However I’m still subject to conflicts, because the human condition can start new ones in the wink of an eye. Except they’re different. That Third Step, the Seventh, the Serenity Prayer, and the Eleventh, all this came into play.
Now, at least over some time now, I am not under the weight I once was. I find a sense of irritability now. Still a reminder that I’m no saint and far from perfect. I need this sense of imperfections to show me who I really am. Like everyone else still an alcoholic. Another drunk among people just like myself. No better and no worse. And I need all of them in my life to help me to stay sober one day at a time.
Just thinking about sobriety again.