One of the hardest things I had to learn in growing up in this program was that not everything was about me. Whew! I found out that I wasn’t as important as I thought I was. I mean I came in here thinking it was all about me. My ego was so huge I never even got the message until an old timer told me shut up and learn to listen. Who me? I knew it all didn’t I?
That was about the time my old sponsor told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. How dare he? And you know what? He was right. It was painful and the beginning of that long trip of ego deflation in depth. The difficult trip to begin to learn humility.
Humility and modesty were things I had no idea about. But, as I was to learn, they’re part of the spiritual life I had to learn to live in here, if I wanted to get sober and stay sober. And I did. So I had to learn to back off an begin to learn how to live life in reality. I had no idea, as my sponsor pointed out.
Humus, the Latin word, means dirt or earth. Humility is down to earth. On the ground and not up in the air with no place to put my feet. Bill W. tells us it’s okay to have you’re head up in the clouds, as long as we have our feet on the ground. In the back of the bus and not up in the driver’s seat.
Humility I have found plays a big role in this program. It’s part of what keeps the group together. It’s what we need to carry the message to another alcoholic. I had to learn not to keep this program to myself. I had to learn to give this program away without looking for any reward. I was to freely give what was so freely given to me. I was nothing special I discovered. Just another drunk. Another alcoholic, who like everyone else was in need of help. I was going to have to learn just as everyone else in here did.
One of the Steps I need to pay attention to in here is the Tenth. It can keep me in line, if I will stop and examine what’s going on with me. Whenever I’m disturbed I know there’s something wrong with me. I’m not here to examine the other person. I need to straighten out myself. To deflate my ego one more time.
Part of what I had to learn in here was the message. Not my message but that of the program. To tell my story about my drinking. What alcohol did to me. How I stopped drinking and got sober through this program with the help of others and my Higher Power. How these Twelve Steps changed my life and brought about the spiritual awakening, the restoration to sanity in that Second Step.
I had to learn and begin to practice what I learned. I was taught that I was nothing special. Today I know that and am so grateful that I do. I owe so much to so many, who helped me get over me. I have a friend who often tells us it used to be all about him, now it’s almost all about him. We laugh, but when my defects come back I know I’m headed for trouble with me. And that brings me back into the spiritual way of life, which I didn’t have before I came through these doors. Who knew? I didn’t, but I thought I did.
Anyway, I was thinking about humility.