Good question in the thought for the day today. Am I living in the now?
It’s easy to talk about just living a day at a time. Staying away from that first drink just for today. I know a number of people, who talk about that. But does that mean that I’m actually in the present? After all, if my mind and my thoughts and feelings are either in the past or the future that can be a threat to my sobriety. I can get caught up in anxieties and fears, worry, depression, resentments, anger. All kinds of things.
It’s easy enough to say that I’m in the present. But it’s another, when I stop and think about it. After all I’m still human and have to deal with the material world. There might be things, which would definitely pull my thoughts and feelings into the future. And then I’m under the threat of worry and fear. And just as easily I can get caught up in the past. I know that occasionally I have thoughts of past events. Things which happened while I was still drinking. And then I can find myself stuck in guilt and remorse. Even resentments I thought were gone.
Then sometimes I can find the present so difficult that I want to escape the moment. And my mind can take me down the highway into fantasy or more pleasant predictions. I’m not conscious of the moment. My mind is somewhere else.
All this brings up the question about my trying to lead some kind of a spiritual life. What I need in my life today to stay sober. My spiritual condition. My relationship with my Higher Power. I know that I need to have some kind of peace and serenity in my life today. And I’ll definitely have that, if I’m here in the now, doing what it is that is necessary to practice this program. What I’ve learned from my sponsor and those old timers. What it is I hear in meetings. What I need to hear.
When considering these thoughts I recall what it says in the BB about the fact that there may come a time in the life of the alcoholic, when he’ll have no mental defense against that first drink and that the only help he can get is from his Higher Power. I know about this, because I once ran into this back a long time ago. I definitely was not in the present, when it happened. I think I had slipped into complacency. Thank my Higher Power that someone was there, who reminded me to pray. I did and I escaped having to drink. Because that’s where I almost was at that moment.
Do I know what’s going on? Or am I drifting off into never never land? I have to ask myself, if I’m aware. After all the BB does tell me that eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. A small price to pay for staying sober. I know that, when I drift off, someone can say or do something, which has caught me off guard and brought up thoughts and feelings I need to avoid. Freeing my character defects and opening the wrong doors in my life.
Anyway, the thought about staying and living in the now made me stop and think. Makes me grateful to be able to remember that’s where I need to be. Just thinking about sobriety.