One of the most difficult things for this alcoholic is learning to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business. I remember I was striving to practice this, but it wasn’t until I got serious about working that Ninth Step and learned another dimension to this Step. And that was “living amends”.
For me I had to begin to practice of compassion. Learning to step up and keeping my mouth shut and doing things for others without seeking a response. I can remember almost the day when I became aware that this was the next step along the line. I was visiting my mother and saw that something was wrong with the steps from the garage into the house. I had begun to go by them, when it hit me that maybe I just should take the time to do something about them and keep my mouth shut in doing so. And I did. It was a beginning.
For me it’s part of the spiritual journey in this program. To remember to go out of my way for someone else. Doesn’t mean that I always remember to do this, but when I do to go ahead and try to help without calling attention to what I’m doing. Picking things up, cleaning something up. Every once in a while at the store to get someone something I know they would like. What it does for me is to remind me that I never ever did that when I was out there drinking, unless it was to call attention to myself to try to get someones approval. I knew that when I did this I had often failed to do my obligations, my duty, and I was trying to cover that up.
Going back and reading and saying that prayer in the Eleventh Step I can find why I need to do these things. Learning to reach out and express some kind of love for others through my actions. That’s what I began to learn, when I was introduced to the Twelfth Step. In the beginning of course I didn’t understand. But over time I have come to be aware that is exactly what I need and am supposed to do for another alcoholic like myself.
Doesn’t mean that it will always help the other person. I can’t make up their minds for them. But I can my own. I know it’s my duty to help another alcoholic who is suffering. Doesn’t matter whether they are a newcomer or an old timer. Like that prayer says, it is better to understand than to be understood. I need to remember that in every situation.
Anyway some things came up today which reminded me of all of this. I felt hopeless in one and in the others was able to reach out and help. Then I needed to take the time to sit down and meditate on this and reinforce this program within me and remember why I came here.
I came here to get sober and I found that in order to do that I had to change. It wasn’t enough not to be taking a drink. I needed to find a way to begin living a spiritual way of life. Either that or die an alcoholic death. I had already been on the threshold to that and didn’t want to go there again. In here I learned that lack of power was one of my dilemmas. That’s where the Second Step came into the picture and I came to believe in my Higher Power. Someone I could turn my will and my life over to. And each and everyday I seek to do that.
That’s exactly why I strive everyday to stop and think about my sobriety. It’s the most important thing in my life. I can never afford to forget that. And that’s what I’m doing at the moment and need to express my gratitude to my Higher Power and all those who have helped me through the years.