Once again someone brought up the topic of the Eleventh Step. Lot of good things said. A lot of reminders for someone like me. Made me go back and read Bill W. in the 12&12.
In fact it was a reminder to me of what I have been doing lately. To read and say the prayer of St. Francis. As Bill pointed out he was pretty much in the same state we were, when we came into the program. In fact he had suffered severe wounds from a battle he was in. He went into a cave to either recover or pass away. He recovered and during that process he achieved exactly what many of us are trying to do in our employment of the Twelve Steps in our lives. To grow along spiritual lines and have a Spiritual Awakening.
I know when I look back at my entrance into this program that I guess I can say I was suffering from what alcohol had done to me. It had a profound effect on my body, mind, and spirit. Physically I was not far from what I intended to do, if I couldn’t stop drinking. Which I couldn’t. And my intention was to end my life. I almost got there, except for someone, who brought me some hope. And that led to my reaching out to the God of my understanding and asking for the help, which I did get. It stopped me for the first time. A real miracle when I look back at this.
Then I came in here still physically ill from this disease. That took time to quiet and in fact a year and half later I suffered a set back from the damage done and almost passed away. Meanwhile the damage to my mind was part of what was going on. And that, like everything else took time to reach a point of quiet. And that was the result of beginning to enter into a spiritual way of life. The Second Step. To begin to fill that black hole deep within me from the inside. Nothing I had ever thought of before.
And as I began to do what I was told to do, like praying on a daily basis and attempting to begin to work this Eleventh Step in terms of meditation, a calmness I had not achieved for years began to enter within me. And by the time I reached that Ninth Step I began to experience the promises this program offers to all of us. A new happiness, and a new freedom. Happy that I was freed of the bondage of alcohol. What a wonderful gift from my Higher Power and this program. These people, who were just like me. And then serenity and peace of mind.
I also discovered that I had a mind, which, when I tried to pray and meditate, wanted to wonder all over the place. Someone suggested something to me about keeping a journal. I began to write in it and did that for almost fifteen years. Meanwhile, as I did that, I discovered that I could focus my thoughts as I did. Meanwhile I had read in a book by a spiritual man that writing was one way to meditate. To achieve that state of mind and spirit that we seek in meditation.
Often that’s what I find myself doing, when I stop, sit down and think about the stuff I hear at meetings or reading, or conversations I have with others like me. When I listen to others sharing their sufferings and find myself identifying. Then I often do what I’m doing at the moment. I find the quiet within. Even the concept of perhaps being in contact with my Higher Power. Whatever. I know I have changed as a result and that to me is part of this Eleventh Step.
And of course this all part of what I’m seeking on a daily basis. Sobriety. Makes me grateful to have these moments. How much I owe to the God of my understanding and those who have helped me get this far.