It never ceases to amaze me how much we all are alike. The alcoholic mind, the ego, the self centeredness, our histories, especially in our relationships, and on and on. And then there was our distance from the spiritual way of life.
And here I was today and many other days sharing my story and my experiences with others like myself, who needed to share with me. In all of this I always find out how we are able to continue to stay sober. How we all can open the door to the truths about ourselves. Our guilt and our remorse. Our resentments and our anger. And, as we go on, our deflation of our egos, when we come to realize that we are not all alone, that others can identify with us and our faults and failings, and that there is a solution. Our learning to rely on a Higher Power.
I was reminded of how much this went on in my past in here. How I too learned that I was not alone. I mean things weren’t always specifically similar, but the feelings and emotions surrounding what I was sharing with others touched something deep inside of me and allowed me to finally realize I was not alone anymore. And more than that. I was looking at others just like myself, who were living lives free of the demands of alcohol. They were sober and happy and at peace with themselves. It gave me the hope that I had come to desire. More than that, what I was seeing in others began to help build some faith within me.
One thing I found out that I was never given, and I learned I was not to give to others, was sympathy from those I opened up my life to. They taught me that the minute we give sympathy to others that the other begins to fill up with self pity. What I was given was compassion. The exercise of the spirit of the Twelfth Step. What my sponsor and those old timers kept pushing into my life. And I know it is my role and responsibility to keep passing it on to others. Compassion and caring, which comes with sharing.
None of this is others doing their Fourth and Fifth Step with me. Nothing that formal. But just the need on the part of others like myself, to do what I had to do. To dump some problem(s) with another alcoholic. To informally share what is bothering us. To give and take. To kind of do a couple of things. One is to be able to test the waters, so to speak. To find out if what we hear in here and read and study is true. That we are the same. That we are equal. That it safe to share with another alcoholic like ourselves. I sure can remember how tentative it was for me. Had to talk around in circles until I felt safe enough to jump into the water.
That’s what I came to love in this program. That when I had difficulties I could go to someone and share it with them. I didn’t have to carry the weight of the world around on my shoulders. Didn’t mean whatever it was was going to go away over night. It was just enough to find out that someone else had gone through what I was going through. And that like them I was going to come out of whatever it is all right. Just like they did.
And so often in our sharing I found out I was able to receive some of the guidance I needed to help me handle what had been bothering me. And, of course, what I was given was reinforcement I needed to put this spiritual way of life into action. How many times I was helped to turn these things over to my Higher Power. And how just as often it worked. The relief I received always amazed me. For me, part of the spiritual awakening, if not experience.
And probably one of the gifts I received in sharing was that I felt that I had this feeling of being rewarded. Something I often feel is hard to explain. Just is.
Anyway I know all of this is part of our living and practicing a spiritual way of life. Taking the time to stop and think about my staying sober today