Whenever I hear the topic being the Second Step the first thing I think of is that it is the doorway into this program. It was for me.
I know that I often go back and review what it was that I was doing, when I came into these rooms. I know that I wasn’t doing this program. All I was doing was not drinking. I thought that was enough and I didn’t want to go where the rest of the people in the room were. But my sponsor and those old timers told me exactly what the BB said. That, if I wanted to drink again and die and alcoholic death, all I had to do was do nothing.
That’s when my sponsor got me into the BB and the fourth chapter, We Agnostics. That spelled it out for me. I was going to have to find a way to live a spiritual life. I was going to have to find a Higher Power for myself. And I did. I came to believe in a Power greater than myself. By that time I was beginning to believe that almost anything would be greater than me.
By this time I had read the chapter There Is A Solution. In there I found hope that maybe what happened to the young man, who went to Dr. Carl Jung, could happen to me. I have never been able to forget what Jung said to him. “You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic.” When I saw that I immediately identified with that. I had the same kind of mind. And then he told him the only way he was going to get well was to have a spiritual experience. Even though I had no idea of what or how that was, I still got hope. The BB tells us that the young man had that and got well. I knew that was for me.
I had already surrendered to the First Step. I had read the Doctor’s Opinion and discovered what was wrong with me was that I had a disease. I found out I was an alcoholic and there was a way out of my being compelled to always drink. All I had to do was to get into this program and do what everyone else was doing. And according to that Second Step it was possible I could be restored to sanity. And that process was to begin, when I finally chose to come to believe in a Higher Power. My Higher Power.
And when that Spiritual Awakening took place it was exactly what I had come to believe. That my insanity was totally alcoholic. My restoration to sanity was that I would be sane as far as alcohol was concerned. I was to be placed in a position of neutrality as far as alcohol was concerned. I learned that I would recoil from a drink as I would from a hot stove. I was not going to be disturbed by alcohol.
I know that I have had a spiritual awakening. Just like Jung said, the answer to this disease is spiritual. My hope has been fulfilled by my Higher Power I believe. The insanity I had has only to do with alcohol. Anything else is my problem and that’s the purpose of these Twelve Steps. To change me. To improve my life. However what I had perceived to be my insanity, other than the alcoholic insanity, is still there inside of me. And I know, as long as I still continue to practice these principles in all of my affairs, as best I can, that I will find myself at peace and in a state of happiness in my sobriety.
That’s why I always go back to that Second Step. Like I think it was what opened the door to the rest of this program. Had I failed to go there I don’t know where I would be today. All I know is that as a result of committing myself to a Higher Power, coming to not only believe but to try to turn my will over to him each day, my life has gotten better than it ever was before. I have changed because I eventually was able to somehow follow the directions I was given in here.
None of this was easy. It took time. Lots of time of stumbling, bumbling, and fumbling. Bumping into brick walls and falling flat on my face at times. The ups and downs which come with fighting with my wanting to control and do things my way. My ego and my emotions. Creating problems for myself and then having to climb back out of the holes I dug for myself.
Yet, as a result of the Second Step, I am still sober and still here in this program. All because of my continued trying to do what I was able to do. I am very grateful for that Step and where it has led me. What I cannot do for myself, which is a lot, I have found that I have been taken care of by my Higher Power. If I will continue to try to back off from myself and do what is asked of me in here.