We talked about the Sixth Step today but left a couple of defects out of the conversation. And the big one for me and so many others I know wasn’t mentioned. Yet it’s the most dangerous for alcoholics. And that’s resentments.
I know for myself I have to struggle with these things through the years. Often tried to avoid them. From time to time I have felt I had rid myself of some of these only to find them popping up again, when a new one is tacked to the board. I know how many times the Tenth Step has put these in my face all too often.
And of course the BB singles out resentments as one of the great big hazards we have to face through our trying to stay sober. It points out that these can lead not just a slip but an alcoholic death. I happen to know this first hand since I have been exposed to a number of these. That started with my first sponsor a long time ago. It was a wake up call for me and still is. I know that I have to depend on my Higher Power to help me with these faults.
I often go back to the experience I had with the Ninth Step in this program. The day I made an amend to a man I had resented and was angry with him during the process, but did it anyway.
And after I experienced what I think was a Spiritual Awakening, when all of a sudden the anger and all my resentments seemed to be removed. That moment in the Ninth and Tenth Steps in the BB, when I stopped fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol. For, like it said, I had been restored to sanity. At least as far as alcohol goes. Just like all the things it says in the BB.
I know that I’m the problem, if I find myself sliding into a resentment. Not the person I believe I resent. And when I become aware of what’s happening I try to remember to stop and do something about introducing it to my Higher Power and ask for the help I need. I know if I do that I begin the process of getting rid of it. I know that often the echoes are still there for a while but unlike before my resentments begin to fade.
Often sharing some of this with another sober alcoholic like myself helps me focus on what I need to do. I know that when this subject comes up at meetings or in sharing that my attention is drawn back to where it belongs. My sobriety.
And that was emphasized today when we talked about sobriety. What a gift this has been to all of us. I remember my my sponsor telling me and others that I’m not responsible for being here and being sober, but that I am responsible now that I’m here for working this program and helping to maintain my sobriety. Never want to forget that. And to remain grateful for what I have been given by my Higher Power and my sponsor and all who have supported my staying sober.