Today someone brought up a thought from the chapter More About Alcoholism. It was about the alcoholic having to concede to their innermost selves that they were alcoholics.
That rang a bell for most of us. I could hear it throughout the room. I know I had no problem with that. And I wasn’t alone either. I had no idea what an alcoholic was. I had no idea either that there was a program for people like me. All I knew is that alcohol owned me. For years I had tried over and over again to stop drinking, but I couldn’t no matter what I did.
So the idea of alcoholism escaped me. To me I was someone who couldn’t stop drinking and I found myself in total despair. It was so black inside of me that I decided there was no hope and I was going to kill myself. That’s when a bartender saved me. He asked me if he could help. He got a friend of mine, who opened the door to the idea that there were people like me who stayed sober. And he got me to my first meeting.
When I got in here I was given a BB and I read the Doctor’s Opinion and that’s when for the first time I found out what was wrong with me. I found out I had a disease called alcoholism. I had no trouble accepting that. In fact it relieved me. For the first time I knew what was wrong.
As a matter of fact Dr. Silkworth said the same thing that Dr. Jung said. That there was no hope or cure for the chronic alcoholic. That was until that young man Jung was treating asked him if there was any hope. And Jung did something that apparently no one had thought of before. He told the man that he needed to seek and have a spiritual experience. The same thing we do. Probably that young man said to Ebby T., who went to Bill W. and told him. Who really knows? Except that Bill sent a letter to Dr.Jung and told him that the young man had had that experience and stayed sober until he died. Bill pretty much said that what had worked for the young man was working for alcoholics in the progam and that Jung was the one who probably started this program.
What was really interesting in the meeting today were the number of alcoholics there who refused to believe they were alcoholics and who kept coming in and going out again and often again, until the pain became too great for them. That’s what caused their surrender. But that was what got me sober. The pain was too great and it was then I begged the God of my understanding to help me. And that’s exactly what happened. But that’s not a new story. I’ve heard it many times in here. Begging God to help and each person stopped drinking. Me too.
But what is important to me is that there is so much we all face besides the alcohol. Our egos and our character defects. That’s what I had to learn to concede to my innermost self. The changes I had to admit I needed and to put into action through these Twelve Steps. But I was a born rebel. I didn’t want to listen to or do what I was told I needed to do, if I wanted to stay sober. And the first thing was I didn’t want to begin to live a spiritual way of life.
I also found I wasn’t alone in this. And that’s what has made the Second Step so big in my life. Thank my Higher Power for my sponsor and those old timers back then. They convinced me that, if I wanted to stay sober and continue to live, I was going to have to begin to live this spiritual way of life. And they were absolutely right. I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t finally listened and did what I was told.
Anyway this was what went on today to remind me of what is so important in my life. My staying sober a day at a time. My being willing to go to meetings and understand that I cannot do this alone. How I need, we all need, to start our day off each and everyday with the commitment through prayer and meditation to my Higher Power. To ask for the help I need and the strength I need from my Higher Power to continue to live this way of life.
Just thinking about sobriety.