We’ve finally got our first real snow storm up here and will finally have a White Christmas. And that’s a reminder to me, as it was to so many these past weeks, that this can be a stressful time for so many in this program. A reminder to me to never forget where I came from and why I am here.
I was thinking today about this. Each and everyday how important it is for someone like me to remember what’s wrong with me. I have an incurable disease. Alcoholism. It will be with me for the rest of my life. And I’m sober just one day at a time. That was the gift I was given in this program. I never ever want to forget it, because I never want to drink ever again.
Everyday that I get up I need to remind myself about all of this. Another day in which I need to stay sober. Everything I’ve done in this program is behind me. I need to be ready to practice all these principles in all of my affairs today. Doesn’t matter what I did yesterday. Today is the day, when I need to step up and do what I came here to do. I’ve been told that I can’t rely on yesterday’s sobriety. I need be aware of what I need to do today.
And that’s why I always have so much reverence for the Second Step. That’s what is always the beginning for me of this spiritual way of life. It began to introduce me to this way of life. It started with my being able to acquire a Higher Power in my life, who can do for me what I can’t do for myself. Almost everything when I stop and get honest with myself. I mean I came here because I was totally powerless over alcohol. Alcohol owned me. I couldn’t stop drinking no matter what I did. And I did try and try to stop but I couldn’t. I had to find what Dr. Silkworth and Dr. Carl Jung said was true. I had the mind of a chronic alcoholic and their experience and that of other physicians and psychiatrists was that there was no hope for people like me.
And yet Dr. Jung told the young man in the BB what he had to do, if he wanted to get away from the hold alcohol had on him. Otherwise people like us would die as a result. And of course the answer was a spiritual experience. Or as the program points out, a spiritual awakening. In any event, I had to, like that young man and all those who were here when I came in, begin to live a spiritual way of life.
And that’s exactly what came to me today, as I hope it will each and everyday. Like the BB says, the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And that is what I not only have to think about, but what I have to strive to do each day. And for me it begins with turning my life and my will over to my Higher Power. And that’s where the challenge begins for me each day.
I start with prayer, offering myself up to my Higher Power, and then, as the day goes on I begin to get caught up in whatever it is around me. My thinking, my self centered nature, my ego. The personality of an alcoholic. Wanting to analyze everything. Thinking of how I can control whatever it is going on around me. My usual misfortune always starts with some emotion, which begins to control my mind and my actions. My thinking. And that’s where I need to be conscious of what it is necessary for me to do to relieve myself and stay sober. Turning my will and my life over to the God of my understanding. The Third Step and the rest of the Steps. Whatever it takes.
And that’s where other alcoholics like myself and meetings come in. I know that talking to other alcoholics is one way of getting my feet back on the ground again. I know from my sponsor and my own experience and that of others that I can’t stay sober by myself. I need the group and contacts each and everyday. I often find that my contact with my Higher Power is often to be found in the rooms of this program.
I can’t help but think of the miracle which occurred in my life, which relieved me of the bondage of alcohol. But I also know that I am grateful to be an alcoholic. Because I am I found myself able to come to this program and find that Higher Power I so desperately needed and to be restored to sanity. What is for me beyond my wildest dreams. It saved my life and stopped me from having to drink. For that I need to say thank you each and everyday. Sometimes hundreds of times in a day.
That’s why I believe it is important for me to stop sometime in the day and just begin to meditate on my being able to stay sober.