What a wonderful surprise this evening. During our meeting today it was on the Eighth and Ninth Steps. And here I was on the Internet this evening and there was this article about a grocer who had been robbed eleven years ago and the thief came back and gave him a letter apologizing and paying him back…as guess what? An amend. He had been on something at the time and now was recovering.
Probably more amazing was the grocer’s and the family’s response. They were in line with what the man was doing and they expressed their positive attitude for what he was doing. No condemnation. More that they were in tune with him and wanted him to know how much they appreciated what he was doing. In a word they praised him for what he was doing and wanted him to know how much they needed to express their feelings to him.
Talk about the Promises in the Ninth Step. Amazing. I know from my own experiences in these Steps and that of others how all of this works for us. I know that I have had a spiritual awakening in working the Ninth. I also know that was when I knew I had been restored to sanity.
As far as a response I know I did have one from an old boss of mine. In fact he told me some things I had no knowledge about, which almost brought tears to my eyes. It was when I was still drinking and had gone to apply for a job in his department. I’m not sure I got past greeting him. He almost immediately hired me on the spot. I think I worked for him for a lot of years at the end of my drinking. I know it was on that job that I got sober.
What he told me was that he remembered the day I came in and was looking for an opportunity to work for him. He said that he took one look at me and knew immediately that I was a practicing alcoholic. It was for that reason he hired me. He said his father had been an alcoholic and he thought maybe he could help me to get sober. I know that I really was abusive in the sense that sometimes I would come in late and go back out drinking again on the same day. Sometimes I couldn’t show up. Yet he never threatened me with terminating me.
I have often wondered if what he was trying to do didn’t help me. I mean it was on his staff that I got sober. And anything which has been related to my stopping drinking always comes to mind, when I think about it. That miracle is still present in my memories.
Anyway I was struck by the publication of one man’s experience in making amends. I not only was struck by what he did, but what the response was from the victims and their gratitude that he did what he did. Not so much for his paying back, but just he idea that he would come forward and make an amend.
I sure have known so many in here who have gone through the same things I have, including amends, and have always been touched by what we all have attempted to do. But more the spiritual aspect of these actions. I know that I have received blessings I never even thought of for what I attempted to do. And I can say that anything I have done is far from perfect. Yet I have been given grace.
Thinking about this and the impact of these Steps in my life I can’t help but be grateful for not only the changes in me, but for the spiritual gifts I have received. I especially look at those Promises in my life and I can say they are still with me at any given moment. When I stop and settle into peace with myself I am almost immediately aware of them. Especially that new freedom and that new happiness. And the knowledge that the alcohol in my life has been arrested. The physical side of my disease put into neutral.
Anyway I just had to stop and think about this. How important all of this is for me. I know that there is a lot left over in me. I know I’m not cured. There is no cure. I’m sober and I know I have a good life, but I also know that I’m human and that I’m subject to stumbling over my faults still. I still have a lot to learn. I know that I need to remain active in the program. I never will be done. Not until the end of my life. That’s just the way it is. I have known that for a long time and hopefully I truly accept what I have been given.
As always I am grateful to the God of my understanding for all that I have been given. Especially the courage and the strength to keep going on. The support I have definitely needed in all this time. I can only give thanks again and again. And I definitely know how much I owe to all those in here who have continued from the very beginning to try to help me do what is necessary for me to stay sober a day at a time. I am grateful to all. I know I could never have done any of this alone.