What’s my purpose in life, now that I’m sober? I would normally think it could be anything. After all, I’m no longer drinking and I guess that would mean that I might be capable of doing anything. Not so, as I was to learn.
First of all this is not an ordinary way of life. Has to start with the thought this is a spiritual way of life. That definitely makes it different than any way of life I can think of at the moment. To me it means living a way of life which has to do with my Higher Power. And that changes everything I can think of.
Up until that point, when I surrendered and took the Second Step, I knew nothing about what it meant to become a member of this program. I knew it had to do with alcohol. I also knew it had to do with not drinking and staying sober. I knew nothing about alcoholism until I came here. And, when I learned that it was a disease I was surprised, but relieved. I eventually came to learn that what was wrong with me was not because I was immoral and lacked will power. I was sick. I had an illness which affected my mind, my body, and then I learned my spirit. And it was this last part of the illness, which changed everything.
It turned out to be the key to how I and everyone else was to stay sober. It might be possible to get better physically, and possibly mentally, but spiritual was something else. And it turned out that I might never get well physically or mentally unless I opened the door to the spiritual way of life. In fact I was to learn that, if I did not, I would most likely drink again and die an alcoholic death. And, as time went on, I came to believe that, since I was able to witness what happened to others like myself, who did drink and die.
So, here I am, doing what this program showed me in helping me to get sober by applying these Twelve Steps to my life. In fact I learned that this was the basic part of the program, but that there was more to be revealed. And that was the result of doing what I had learned in here. That the spiritual life was not a theory. We have to live it, I learned. And what was it I did learn?
This is exactly what I talked to an old friend of mine in this program about this afternoon. I had to learn to change everything in my life. Definitely not an easy task I discovered over time. There was a lot I had to get rid of. And a lot I had to get to replace all those things I had dumped. I had to become a “new” and better person than I had been. I had to learn to not only live differently, but to think differently. I had to put spiritual principles into my life through the Steps, especially Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. And I had to learn to deflate my ego, my self centered way of living and thinking, and develop some humility, which I had totally lacked and of which I really had no conception.
It was one thing to stop drinking. That first part of the First Step. Becoming willing to surrender to my being powerless and accepting that as basic to what I wanted and needed. But it was another to come to understand that second part of this Step. The unmanageable life I was bringing through these doors. An unmanageable life, which probably preceded my drinking alcohol.
How important was that? One very spiritual individual once said that if everyone in the world would surrender and admit that their lives were unmanageable this would be a different world.
My friend and I agreed on this being a fact. We had only to look at our own lives to understand that. We also agreed that this unmanageable life probably went way back to the beginning of our lives. We both have had the opportunity to study our lives in depth.
Now what is it I believe we are supposed to do to fulfill our purpose of being here? I’ve looked around, as did my friend, and seen the example of those who went before us. Our sponsors and those old timers we knew. They showed us how to care, how to love, how to be generous to, not only the sick and suffering alcoholic, but others in this life. Whoever reaches out and asks for our help. I think it’s called something like doing our Higher Power’s will for us. Practicing these spiritual principles in all of our affairs. Freely giving what was so freely given to us.
Anyway, when I got home after talking for several hours after the meeting today, I had to sit down and think about all of this.