Reactions…a wake up call

More sharing going on. Today after the meeting I got to talk to another friend in the program. We were talking about a lot of what went on in the meeting, which had to do with the Third Step and prayer. Plus he brought something into the conversation, which really didn’t hit me until I got home. Reactions.

We were mainly talking, at the beginning, about the spiritual way of life and how our trying to control things often got in the way. He was giving a lot of examples, which I found I could identify with. It was easy to see where we needed to let go and let the God of our understanding to be in control and not us.

His kind of work came into the picture and that’s where some of the reactions came in. Having to spend hours in the presence of his superior, whom he described as almost cruel with a superior attitude about everything. He said that led to one really bad situation in which he responded and told him off in an argument. His reaction he pointed out put him in a tough spot at the moment. He said he had been doing a lot of inventory to take care of what he could. His plans were about change of attitude and being able to not get caught up in the way he did. Mostly by turning things over to his Higher Power.

The idea of control is exactly what we were really talking about. Our old ways. The self centered ego of alcoholics like ourselves wanting to run things. Just exactly what the Third Step is preparing for us to change. To let go and let our Higher Power take charge. To do God’s will and not ours. We both were conscious of the consequences of our past in this regard. How I have often fell flat on my face as a result of my self will run riot. He pretty much said the same thing.

Of course, just like in the meeting today, it was the rest of the Twelve Steps which brought about the changes in our characters. The learning, which our sponsors and old timers helped us to put into action. The practice of ego reduction in depth. To get out of our own ways. To think and act in a positive way and not the negative. Learning to care about others and mind our own business and not theirs. The Serenity Prayer.

And that brought the conversation, as it did in the meeting, to prayer. Our asking for the help we need. Especially when it came to our emotional reactions, such as anger, resentment, and a host of others. To learn, as we have, to care about others. To not only mind our own business, but how to keep our mouths shut in a lot of situations, when we want to take over again.

If we don’t want to drink again. If we want to stay sober then a profound change has to take place within. And that change begins with the First and Second Steps. The surrender and acceptance of our alcoholism. Then the surrender and acceptance of a Power greater than ourselves. The beginning of a spiritual way of life. And then the next Step. Turning our lives and our wills over to the God of our understanding. The Third Step. As that one sponsor said to the woman she sponsored, when asked what was God’s will for her. The other nine Steps the sponsor replied. And that’s it. Was for me anyway.

Oh, what about the reaction I forgot about and remembered, when I got home? Something happened yesterday, which surprised me and threw me off balance. And when it was late at night I reacted in a negative way. I should have kept my mouth shut like I said above. But just the opposite. I wanted to be in control again and I embarrassed myself and others. I needed to back off and accept rather than react the way I did. I really didn’t think about prayer and turning it over.

It was a wake up call. Just proof to me that no matter how long I stay sober I’m never going to be a saint. I’m still human and subject to my faults. Need to pay attention and be grateful for all that I have been given. Need to thank my Higher Power and all those who have helped me along the way.