Once again I had to sit down and think about why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. Right now, this minute, is the most important time in my life. I never ever want to drink alcohol again.
I often stop and think about this. It’s what my life is about. All that I have in my life came from my being able to stop drinking and come into this program and begin to change everything. And of course I always find myself going back and reminding myself of what it is I learned in here from my sponsor and those old timers. How important all of that is to me each and everyday.
The reason I do this is because I know how lazy my mind can become and find myself wandering all over the place and forget about everything I ever heard in here. That’s definitely one of the reasons I go to meetings on a regular basis. I need to be reminded and to help me to stay on the path I was placed on in here, when I first was introduced to that Second Step and this spiritual way of life.
I need to remember each and every morning to start my day off by committing myself to my Higher Power and dedicating this day to staying on this path. To take the time, when I can to step aside and meditate. To find a way to put this program into action once more. To do what I have read in the BB and heard from my sponsor and in meetings. To practice these spiritual principles in all of my affairs.
Do I? Good question. I know from what the BB has told me and spiritual leaders that I’m not a saint. I’m still a human being. A chronic alcoholic. I’m subject to stumbling and bumbling around in here. Falling back into my defects and my faults. And I have to be ready, when I find myself down that way, to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep on keeping on. Learned that from my sponsor.
I may have had my alcoholism, the idea of taking a drink of alcohol removed from my mind. I never think about a drink today. I feel so blessed. And for me that’s this spiritual awakening. The restoration to sanity. But that only takes care of the physical side of my disease. There’s still the mental, emotional, and spiritual side of this disease. The human aspect.
I have a disease which will be with me until the end of my life. So, no matter that the physical side is been put into a quiet place, the human side is still right there under the surface and is going to keep popping up every now and then and that’s where this spiritual program comes into action…if I will take the action necessary. If I can remember what it is I need to do.
And, like I was thinking, I go to meetings and try to listen and to take home what I am hearing that I need at any given moment. But I also need to share and allow others to share with me…and also listen. But then there are three things I need to take into consideration and put into action.
The first is to keep that Tenth Step alive and be ready to put into action. That spiritual axiom, that whenever I’m disturbed there is something wrong with me. Not someone else. Me. I have to take care of that and not someone or something else. And then I can never forget the Eleventh Step and prayer and meditation and committing myself to do what I need to stay sober.
Finally in meetings and out of meetings there is the Twelfth Step. I need to be open to trying to help sick and suffering alcoholics like myself to try to get sober. I always think about that statement in the Ninth Step. The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it. I know I have to at least try.
Anyway I found I needed to stop and think about all of this tonight. It does raise a question. Am I spiritual? And my answer is I don’t know. I don’t feel that I am, but that’s not an answer. I may not feel that way, but then I look at all I have been given in here and have to stop and back off and accept that it’s not up to me. It’s up to my Higher Power and I have to be grateful for all I have received and give thanks. And to keep on keeping on. To persevere, to hope, to have faith, and find a way to express compassion and love. And to continue to stay sober a day at a time.