Today I was talking to a close member to me about what we need to do and not do, when dealing with others like ourselves. I was reminded by someone else, as well as old timers, that I’m really not all that important.
The question came up as a request from someone, who insisted that this person needed to come and speak for them at their meeting. My friend did not feel that they were comfortable doing this, but felt obliged since they had known this person for a fairly long time. This appeared to be one of those guilt trips we can so easily get caught up in. Besides they have family things they need to be dealing with for a while now. Yet they were beginning to feel compelled.
I know that alcoholics like myself are sometimes caught up in ourselves and our feeling that we’re the only one who can fulfill someone’s requests. I do remember my sponsor and others back then who let me know in no uncertain terms about what is wrong with alcoholics like ourselves. Not “pride” so much, but the sense that no one can do what we’re asked to do. A twisted form of our old alcoholic egos taking over.
I know that as part of practicing these spiritual principles in this program, especially the Twelfth Step, that I need to be open to being willing to step out and try to help when I am available. I know this person has done that, as we all have. However there are moments when I know there are others besides me, who can do the same thing and I’m not the only one in the world to do these things. There are others in this program who not only can do what we’ve all been prepared to do, but often better, as I think. I’ve seen them.
One of the things my sponsor taught me, which goes along with all of this was how definite I need to be in my answers sometimes. He told me that I had to learn how to say “No” and make sure that the receiver knows exactly what I’m saying and what I mean. There are times in our lives when this is necessary. Up to that point I always failed to do that. He taught me and I began to learn how to practice this when it was the right time. As I think it probably is in this instance.
I know from my own experience and that of others just how powerful those old emotions of guilt and fear can be and how much trouble and suffering they can put us through. Been there and done that. Like I said, as others have told me the same thing. And this is where I had to learn to depend on my Higher Power. I had to learn to let go and let the God of my understanding do for me what I cannot do for myself. The Third Step.
I also had to learn the truth of that Serenity Prayer. To let go and accept that I am powerless over so many things. People, places, and things. I have to also learn to accept the gift of serenity, which was given to me in the Promises in the Ninth Step, and let go of these negative emotions, which can cause so much anguish to chronic alcoholics like myself…at times.
I look at these things and my mind goes back to the gifts these old timers gave to me over time. Also the faith and hope I have been given by my Higher Power in this program, which has helped me grow in a sober way of life. Being open minded enough to follow directions and not my own thinking. How often I did and stumbled and had to ask for help, only to learn how far off base I was.
As I was thinking about all of this today I couldn’t help but be grateful for all the gifts I have been given in here. Always makes me stop and think about why I am here in the first place. To stay sober one day at a time.