It’s not a new bulletin that there are no giant Steps. Only “little” ones as far as I know…although that First Step, when I look back at it, seems enlarged in my memory. Having said this, I have to stop and say that I just might be wrong. Nothing new.
For instance, aside from the First Step, the Second Step looms large in my mind. It was that Step which changed everything in here for me. It changed my whole life after I stopped drinking, which tells me how huge that First Step was. It brought me into a spiritual way of life, which I was totally without when I came in. It not only brought me into contact with my Higher Power, but it opened the door to the rest of the program.
Perhaps I have this view of the Steps because they were not an overnight experience. The sign in here states Time Takes Time. Come to think about it, this program was often an up hill climb for me. Amazing how having read and studied the BB I often found myself stumbling and tripping up along the way.
The reason I stopped and thought about all of this was because of a couple of discussions I had today after the meeting on the first two Steps. I really was looking back at my experiences with my old sponsor and those old timers. I can often recall examples and words sharply and just as often, since a lot of this went on a long time ago, I can find a lot a vague picture for me. It often takes time to pull things up which had gone on back then.
What we were talking about was working with others. Talk about how time took time. It wasn’t that I wasn’t in contact with “new” people back then, but being able to “help” them did take time. Even when I stop and look at those I might help today I’m never sure I did. In the end I often find I’m the one being helped and often wonder did I really help them.
I guess for me what I’m thinking about at the moment is again why I am here. And of course it is to stay sober a day at a time. I always have to go back and look at how I started this day and how I’m doing at the moment. Just the fact that I’m “meditating” on this is helpful to me. Sitting aside and being quiet and hopefully being supported by my Higher Power, who is in charge of my sobriety.
Everyday I attempt to stop and go back over the day for me, seeking to look at what I hopefully did or tried to do, which helps me to stay sober. I know I need to do that to assist me in my efforts to work this program…a day at a time. I do know that whatever I did yesterday helped me then, but it’s up to me to put this program into action today, if I want to continue to stay sober.
I know that when I stop and look at myself I find myself stumbling and never sure that I’m what someone might think of as spiritual. Have a tough time with that always. However, no matter what is going on, I need to persevere in holding on to hope, faith, and love in my life. I learned that a long time ago to never quit trying. For me it’s part of my efforts to stay sober.
Anyway, no matter, I know that just stopping and doing this, for me, Is part of me working this program. I hope that I never stop and continue to do the best I can. It makes me grateful for all I have been given in here. I know that I need to thank my Higher Power, my friends, and all of those who have contributed so much in helping to stay sober a day at a time. I need to once again say thanks.