Today was one of those days with enough confusion to give me some discomfort. As the day went on I had to stop and think about it and how I really felt and what I thought I should do. In the end it turned out probably just like this program would like me to think and act.
What I mean I felt deep within a calm. The confusion was below the surface and hadn’t rooted itself deep inside. In fact I reached a conclusion during the afternoon that it was my goal to avoid arguments of any kind. I was not here to argue and condemn others. I’m just here to live my primary purpose. To stay sober this day.
Of course part of what’s going on is to live and fulfill my purpose. Not just to stay sober, but to live a sober life. To practice the goals of these Steps. To not only change, but to continue to change. To grow along spiritual lines. Not always easy, but do-able. If I continue to put this program into action.
What it brought to mind is why I came here. That was to stop drinking and get sober. I always need to remind myself that I never want to drink again. Among other things that’s why I go to meetings. To be reminded on a regular basis of where I came from and what it is I need to do. To become a better person, even though that still means I’m imperfect. An alcoholic. Not a saint. A human being with faults, who has had to learn to pick himself up and dust himself off and keep on keeping on.
I need at times to remind myself what has occurred since I’ve been here. I have been not only given sobriety, but I have been restored to sanity, the spiritual awakening. I have been given the promises of this program, beginning with a new freedom and a new happiness. I have been placed in a position of neutrality as far as alcohol is concerned. The physical side of this disease. But the mental, emotional, and spiritual side of this disease is still inside of me. And though that means these occasional struggles from time to time, I know I have been given what this program has offered people like me. The strength to overcome what is within.
All this from my Higher Power and all those within this program who have helped me to stay sober and grow and change. My old sponsor, his widow, my close friends, those old timers from way back, and all those whom I have met over time. I have a lot of gratitude and love and compassion for all I have been given. Deep within are my thanks to each and everyone beginning at the top.