There is no doubt for this alcoholic that I have to be aware and keep check on my faults or defects. They are always around someplace within me. As long as I’m human and not a saint these are going be around to pop up from time to time. As long as I’m sober, I need to try to practice these spiritual principles in all of my affairs.
I was thinking about this today on what it is I need to do to keep them under some kind of control. Like I know from my own experience and a lot of those I know, who have shared with me, how easy it is for them to pop up and have me trip over them. Part of what I can do is to remember to pray and meditate from time to time. To talk to others and to go to meetings on a regular basis.
However I do know that I have the kind of mind, which can wander off no matter how I try to pay attention. I can find myself in prayer and meditation out wandering around from here to there. I know that in a humanity the thought process is changing from time to time all day long. It’s just the way we are as human beings. However in a chronic alcoholic like myself one of the risks lie in my emotions. Thoughts which can turn over into anger, worry, fear, resentments, and a whole lot more. And my ego trying to flair up and take charge of everything.
On the other hand, I remember my old sponsor and a lot of the help he gave me. I can recall how he could listen and then treat my junk with good humor. I can hardly forget how he would look at me with this big grin and say, “Whine, whine, whine. Why are you always whining?”. I could never keep it up and always had to stop and even laugh at times. Over time that taught me something.
It took time but I began to learn to laugh at myself. I began to understand that I needed to be able to not take myself so seriously. What I have tried to do over time is to laugh at myself. Self importance is not all it’s cracked up to be. Taking what I’m supposed to do on a daily basis as important should be my focus.
I need to recognize how dependent I am on my Higher Power and this program. If I’m going to depend on my importance, other than staying sober, I know I’m headed for trouble. I have come to be able to laugh at myself and to even be able to make fun of me. No problem. I know how easy it can be wander off and trip over the path I’m on. My sponsor would always smile and tell me to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. In a strange way it did answer some things for me.
So, there are mornings, before I leave the house, when I will look in the mirror and tell myself, “You klutz you’re nutz!”. Can’t help but make me crack up at myself. I know I’m not the only one who does this. It helps me not to take myself too seriously, but to take what I hope to be doing seriously.
Anyway I had to stop and think about this today. It’s helped me to stay on my “feet”. Mentally and emotionally. Spiritually too. Makes me grateful to my Higher Power, the program, my old sponsor, my friends, and, yes all those in here, who have helped me. A reminder to stay sober a day at a time. Thanks.