One of the most uncomfortable things is one we hang onto. Sounds unbelievable, but just take a quick inventory and I think we’ll find ourselves tied up in this stuff. What am I thinking about? One of the worst things back when I was getting sober. Emotions.
Thinking back I can never forget all those old timers in meetings, repeating over and over, “It’s I over E”. Or, as my sponsor would always tell me, to think with my head and not my heart.
All these negative moments come into our lives almost automatically. That’s because the cause is way, way back in our lives. Things which happened to us and got lost. Someone said something or did something or things happened for which there is no target. They’re moments which got lost to us and we can never get them back no matter how hard we try. Nor can doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists. We call them the unconscious mind.
Yet there is something within us which never forgets. It has a long term memory. When something happens in our present lives, which stirs us up, because it is similar to whatever happened, and what always remembers is our negative emotions. They rush back there the minute something familiar comes up. They stir all kinds of risky feelings within us. Everything from total despair to deep resentments. Anger, self pity, anxiety, depression, and the list goes on.
The problem for chronic alcoholics like myself is that they can tear us up and get us drunk again. Bill W. wrote about this kind of stuff in the Eighth Step in the 12&12 at the bottom of paragraph on page 79 and over to the end on page 80. And I have certainly seen this in here. I know from looking back what he is talking about. So do a lot of psychiatrists and psychologists, social workers, and counselors.
I’ve read a lot of books and articles on this.
Is there an answer to all of this? It’s not psychiatric. I mean, like all of us, we can discuss what’s happening, but there’s no healing for this. Dr. Scott Peck certainly talked about this and pointed out that there is an answer. And it’s right here in the program. What is it? No surprise. It’s spiritual. I know it works, because it has worked for me and those old timers. And it works for anyone who puts their mind to it.
For me it began with that Second Step. It started with me learning that I needed four things in my life. The first was perseverance, the second hope, the third faith, and the last, love. I learned that I had to have these constantly. It meant for me that I had to develop a discipline. I had to seek the help of my Higher Power. Always hoping for help. And when help came I had to develop faith. And I had to persevere. To stick with these and continue until love came into my life.
The love I’m talking about came with my willingness to share what works for me with others. What got me sober and helps keep me sober. What was freely given to me by those old timers.
I learned that I had, with the help of my Higher Power, to change my attitudes from the negative to the positive and continue to maintain that. Each and everyday I need to begin my day doing exactly that. If I get caught up and pulled down into that negative trap, I need to stop my day and start over. I learned that from my sponsor and those old timers.
There’s more, but enough for now. It’s enough to start by coming to realize that I need to avoid things, which pull me down into these emotional traps. I know I need to talk to others like myself, who have gone through the same things. Sponsors for one.
Anyway I know that I always need to remember why I am here. I am here to stay sober a day at a time. That’s my primary purpose. I know I need help, I can’t do this alone. But I also know that no one can stay sober for me. So I have to put myself in the “number one” category, as far as staying sober. And then I need to step outside of myself and become part of the “We” in this program.
I am grateful for all that has been given to me.