I went back and had to think about honesty again. I know when I came here I certainly wasn’t honest. I know when I read the literature and heard the old timers I felt guilty. It made me question my ability to turn my will and life over to this program.
I was thinking about what changed all of this. And that brought up my brother in law, who had come in after me. We were sitting and talking about honesty and dishonesty and suddenly things opened up for both of us. We both discovered that we had never in our lives ever talked to others about our dishonesty. And here we were sharing and we realized that this was the key to our innermost selves and our beginning to realize that this is what we needed to do.
We had both come to realize that it was the lack of honesty which held others back from being able to get sober. Not being able to be open and honest. Not telling the truth. Not being able to face the truth. And, as the BB says, this is not always something that they are guilty of doing. It’s just a natural way for some.
I have often gone back and had to be grateful that I had a deeper different nature. In fact, as much as I have found it irritable, when alcoholics like us cannot get past lying to themselves about their disease, I have to step back and admit how blessed I have been. And often, especially from a disaster from them going back out drinking again, I have felt compassion for them.
However the honesty I have come to develop with the help of others in here may still fall short. That’s because, even though I know this program, works, because I have seen it. The truth is that I am still human. The physical side of this disease has been put into neutral. It’s still not cured and never will be as long as I’m alive. The mental and emotional sides are still here.
Like the BB tells me I’m not a saint. And when my mind drifts off course in here I might well find myself falling into one of my defects, which encourages dishonesty. And that’s where others come into the picture. Putting the spiritual life into action. Praying and asking for help and then sharing and getting out of myself. Especially I think when it comes to accepting my faults and being willing to let go of others and possibly making amends.
Anyway I was reading something today, which I wrote a long time ago. It was a good reminder for me. I definitely needed it. Makes me grateful for all I have been given in here. Being able to stay sober a day at a time. All I have to do is look at what has been going on over time. The First Step and the Second, which opened the door to all of this. The presence of a Higher Power coming to me in that Second. And that opened the door to the rest of this program.
And because of all of this I owe my thanks to my the Program, my Higher Power, and all of those I have met in here, who have freely given me faith, hope, and love.