Can I afford to ever forget this? What’s that? That I can even for a minute that I am powerless over alcohol. You’d think that would be an event each and everyday. And it has been for me since I came through these doors.
But what I just put down above comes from a note in the 24 Hours A Day book. In fact the Jan. 6 reading. And why bring this up? Well a member in the meeting today read this to a man coming back. And that was great, but it was also a reminder to this alcoholic. Because when I went to my first meeting in Jan. an old timer read the same thing.
A year or so later I discovered that alcoholics loved to remember their anniversaries. When I heard that I was stumped. I knew the month I came in, but the date? And then someone back then reminded me that I had heard this and I should take that as my date. And I have since then. So the reading today reminded me of when it was that I had stopped drinking and came through these doors into the program.
It also reminded me of what an awful state I was in back then. I had tried everything I could to stop drinking, but couldn’t. I was trapped into drinking each and everyday. I was suffering so much pain and misery that I could no longer stand it. I decided to kill myself rather than continue to drink alcohol. And that’s when I got the help I needed.
Someone I drank with had heard the day before that there was a place where men and women met and stayed sober together and that if I wanted to go there he would take me. When he told me that I was stunned. Suddenly a light went on inside of me and I was filled with hope for the first time.
I knew nothing about alcoholism and I hadn’t heard about this program. All I knew was that I was a drunk and was helpless. So that same night I heard this I said a real prayer for the first time in a long time. I begged God as I understood Him to stop me from drinking alcohol and to stop me from living the life I was leading. I surrendered. For me it was over and I fell asleep. The next day I woke up and alcohol had gone for the first time in years. Five days later I went to my first meeting, where I heard that reading.
Of course I never want to forget that I cannot drink alcohol safely. Each and everyday I wake up I begin my day committed to not drink alcohol. Each and everyday I spend time united to members in here and focusing on staying sober a day at a time.
All of this is a result of what has happened to me in this program. I learned through my sponsor and those old timers that I had all the wrong thoughts about what was wrong with me and what it was that I needed to do to stay sober. They helped me to wake up to the facts I needed to know and to do the things necessary to turn my life around and change. Not an overnight affair.
It has taken time, but it has been totally worth every moment in here. Doesn’t matter whether I felt good or not. In the end I have found a new happiness and a new freedom, not just from alcohol, but the way I once lived my life. I have found peace. I also have found a spiritual way of life and a Higher Power. I have learned through all of this that I need to stay hopeful, to grow in faith, and to acquire love. The bottom line is to persevere and never quit.
I am so grateful when I think of that first meeting. Since then I have undergone a spiritual awakening and been restored to sanity. I have learned to stop fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol. I have found out that what was wrong with me is that I have a disease called alcoholism for which there is no cure. But since then I have been placed in a position of neutrality, as far as the physical part of this disease.
However I know I am still human and that I have faults like negative emotions and can find myself stumbling around at times. But like my old sponsor told me that I needed to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep on keeping on.
I need to give thanks to my Higher Power, this program, and the people in it, who have shared with me and helped me to change. Thanks.