Today we talked about what it means to be responsible. It brought up a lot of good reactions in the meeting from individuals who had experiences in staying sober. I know it meant a lot to me.
All this had a lot to do with staying sober, as part of the subject. I know that it made me think back a lot to what went on with me, when I was new in this program.
I had come in after having surrendered to the First Step, although I didn’t know that at the time. I just did. And when I arrived it was at a time when there were no rehabs as such. That meant that Twelfth Step calls were common events each and everyday. Anyway, I think I was about two months in and my sponsor at that time had been dragging me out on these calls. However I knew little or nothing about them in reality.
Then one Sunday he got a call to a hospital for a man, who had been burned as a result of a seizure. Instead of going himself he sent me. I arrived at the hospital and discovered the burned man was a doctor of psychology. In his room he did most of the talking and had me bumbled up, because I really wasn’t sure what it was I should be doing. Finally after about an hour he threw me out of his room.
When I got home I called my sponsor and told him what had happened and then told him how ignorant I was. That’s when he told me something I have really never forgotten. He said that he knew I had won the argument with myself and then hung up. That startled me. What? And then after a few minutes it struck me. He really was right. I was amazed. I hadn’t even thought about that.
I had gone on that call for the right reason and no matter what the result with the alcoholic in there, I had responded in the right way. I was the one who accepted the responsibility to stay sober myself, no matter what the results were. What a sober alcoholic needed to do. A lot of what was said today. That no matter what the results of talking to new people in the program, the fact of the matter was that most of us were the beneficiaries of these moments of sharing.
I think I often feel that I’m the one who is being helped no matter what. It always makes me grateful that I get the opportunity to reach out to someone else. I know I feel I’m the one who has been given the help I so often need. I always think to myself that I have been rewarded after such meetings.
Anyway it just made me think again about why I am here. I’m here, like that sponsor said to me, to win the argument with me. To stay sober this day. Makes me grateful to my Higher Power and all those in here, who have freely given to me what it is I need to stay sober.
I know I need to say, “thanks”.