One of the things we learn in here is that time takes time. That the program is not an overnight event. I was thinking about this today, especially since the subject was about amends.
Every time we talk about amends I seem to run into a wall inside because of time. Early on I knew a person who got sober a little after I did and he almost immediately went to make an amend. He ended up severely injured, when the husband of a woman came up behind him with a baseball bat. Not a good sense of timing, that’s for sure.
However I wasn’t much better in a sense. I think I was around a year or so sober, when I went to one of my old employers, for whom I had a responsible job before I left drinking. I called to make a date to make an amend. He picked up the phone and yelled at me that he never wanted to see me again in this life and hung up. I know I was startled. Thankfully my sponsor stepped in and told me it didn’t matter that I failed to get to him. He said I tried and that was all I needed to do. And then he recommended I choose another individual immediately and call and make a date with him. I did.
Again time is a crucial element in dealing with others as far as amends go. The 12&12, in the Ninth Step begins with a statement which talks about this. It has four subjects, which it emphasizes this. One is prudence, courage, good judgment, and it emphasizes a sense of good timing. And that’s where I believe a sensible, experienced sponsor comes in.
It was interesting that yesterday we were talking about sponsorship and how important that was in my life in here. It was from my old sponsor that I was given good directions. And when I tended to skip his thoughts I found myself stumbling in the program. It was him who opened the door to this program for me and introduced me to a spiritual way of life in here. The Second Step. I never want to forget his help.
He was the one who introduced me to deflation of ego. Cutting me down to the size I needed. He and a number of those old timers. He also gave me help in a lot of areas in here. And the Ninth Step was one of them. He and his “assistant”. I learned a lot from them and of course “timing” was one of them. It got me over a lot of humps. I can remember being told to put some of these off. I did and they were right. A sense of good timing.
Anyway I know what they told me and showed me was what I needed and I am so grateful for this. What I needed and I do know so do a lot of others and I can only hope that they have sponsors who will help them.
Once again all of this brings up the subject of why I am here in the first place. I’m here to stay sober…a day at a time. Talk about timing. I have been taught that I need always to stay in the day. Projection is beyond my capacity. It can definitely get me into trouble. Just as can spending time in the past. It’s all right to go there, if it will help another alcoholic like myself. Other than that it’s better left alone. I know how it can pop up from time to time, just like the “future”. That’s because I’m still a human being. A chronic alcoholic.
Anyway I was thinking of how grateful I am for all the help I have been given. I still receive it from my old friends and a lot of others in here, because I cannot do this alone. I need to say thanks to my Higher Power and all those who have helped and continue to do so.