It is really amazing and helpful to find myself stumbling over subjects and remarks. Of late it is making me stop and go back and quiet myself down. To take the time to pause and then make the changes I’ve always needed.
Today it began with a man “coming back”. I always need to put that thought in quotes, because how can you be coming back, if you weren’t here before. I mean present, but that was all. Alcohol was still in the picture and change or surrender weren’t there.
I spoke to the man before he left. Along with a friend we made a couple of suggestions. For instance to read the Doctor’s Opinion in the BB, which helped both of us, when we arrived. Hopefully it can do for him, what it did for us. But then another old timer showed up and asked him to go to lunch. He said he couldn’t because he had to go to a store. Both my friend and I almost punched him and told him to stop doing what he wanted to and to do what he needed to do. Which in this case was be present for a Twelfth Step.
Why am I stopping and thinking about this? Simple. Because I wasn’t going to. I mean I was getting ready to leave, when I saw him walking toward the door. Suddenly it hit me. I needed to go up to this man and talk to him. A Twelfth Step call. In fact I had decided during the meeting to avoid this man, based on what he had said and how he seemed to be avoiding this program. Enough said. Time will tell.
And the same thing with another “Twelfth Step” today. I brought a profound “quote” to give to a friend, without going into details or thoughts about this. Just thought it might be helpful, whereas I wasn’t. However he copied it onto his phone by photographing it and giving the original back to me. So on my way home I offered it to the man driving and he did the same thing. He took a picture of it and gave it back.
When I got home I took a little more time to think about what it was. I had thought about it before, but now I took the time to pause and consider it’s content. It was something I also wanted to send to some friends out of town. I knew that their pictures could be emailed and I was thinking about that and the reason I felt it was helpful. To others or to me?
And then the thoughts of what was being said and what was meant hit home. I know I’ve thought about this before, but now I was putting it before others, without really stopping and sharing. And what was being said? Just how much value we put into everything outside of us and really don’t pay that much attention to what’s within. One famous psychiatrist back years ago spoke about this very thing. I’m paraphrasing his words, but basically he said what’s outside of us are basically dreams. However what’s within is reality. And that’s basically what I sent to them and gave to these people today.
I’ve said enough, because the reality is whatever is outside is not as important to me as what’s within. And what’s that? It’s my staying sober today. Without sobriety I will have given into the outside. Freedom from alcohol has helped me to grow along spiritual lines within. To depend on my Higher Power. To hope, trust, have faith, and continue to practice this program, ending with love. The Twelfth Step, what was so freely given to me. Just as I needed to do this day earlier on.
I’m grateful for all that has been given to me and need to thank the God of my understanding, this program, and the people in it. Thanks.