Today we were once again on the First Step, pain, suffering, and surrender. Good meeting. Lots of revelations. Good stories and a wealth of turning oneself over and entering into a spiritual way of life.
As I was listening and thinking about all of this, I literally could see those places and moments in the past, when I surrendered and was granted relief from the pain and alcohol. Literally a spiritual awakening. A form of restoration to sanity as far as alcohol was concerned.
I could hear the gratitude in others, as they described their escape from the bondage alcohol had held them in. A new freedom for them and my self. Something I never ever want to forget.
As I was talking to someone after the meeting I was remembering the night I came into this program. What the place I went to was like. It’s appearance and what I experienced as I walked through the door into the meeting place. For the first time in my life I felt like I had come home. To me it was a gift of hope once again. I had no problem with what I heard at that meeting. It was encouraging and hopeful.
To this day, because I didn’t know that there was such a thing as keeping track of the dates we arrive here and begin our sober life, I really never could remember the date. I know it was this month, January. The day is still a mystery. All I know is that I have been given a gift. Like I said, freedom from the bondage of alcohol. Amazing.
I also talked to others today and was once again reminded that each and everyday I need to stop and pull aside and remind myself why I am here. To renew my purpose once again. I’m here to stay sober this day. My sponsor and his widow, as well as close friends in here are willing to remind me of this. I never want to forget.
Anyway that’s what I’m doing at the moment. Being quiet and trying to do what I need to do. To once again remind myself of what it was I did in that First Step. Surrender. But also the gift of freedom I was given at that time. The relief from the despair I was suffering. The gift of hope I received, which freed me from having to kill myself. And then the beginning of a new way of life, a spiritual way of life, I had cut myself off from during my drinking alcohol. The Second Step followed by the Third and the rest of these Steps. And finally the gift so freely given to me, the Twelfth, which I am to freely give to others. I know that it is the answer I need. I can give it and receive each and everyday, whether I am able to give it to someone who needs it, or to myself.
Once again I need to express my gratitude for the freedom I have been given by my Higher Power and all those in here, who have helped me along the way. I pray that I may never forget that I cannot stay sober by myself. I need to give and get. Thanks.