Talking to some people of late reminded me of the trouble anger can bring into the lives of those of who are trying to work this program. One for instance gave me an example of how anger pulled them down into depression. It darkened the person deep within.
Why am I thinking about this? Because it made me go back and look at how I stumbled and tumbled in this program for quite a while after I came in. Again, this not an overnight program. Like they say, time takes time. But what I discovered through my old sponsor was how desperately I needed to be able to share with my sponsor or others I could trust.
Like I said this all goes back in time. The memory of making the changes. And why it’s all important is that my personal problems are not for seeking answers in meetings. Like the Fifth Tradition emphasizes, the primary purpose of the group is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. And like I always am reminded, that could be a new person or even someone with time in here. After all, we’re all still human.
I found when I got honest with others that I began to receive what I needed. The experiences of others like myself, who had gone through the same things I did. And when it comes to these negative emotions, I had to learn how to deal with them, rather than suffer from their influences on me. Again it was the emphasis on that old statement I remember hearing all the time, back a ways. That it’s intellect over emotions. Otherwise the emotion takes over the intellect and leads to a lot of trouble within.
I know how these things can build up within us. Doesn’t matter how long we are sober. I know I have learned just how human I still am. I can forget and my mind go off in all directions and find myself stumbling over my faults, my defects. And I know that is the time I need to stop and step back, pray, ask for help, and then become open and share with a sponsor or another close friend in here.
I have to remember at these times especially why I am here. I have to be able to remind myself that I’m here to stay sober just for today. I have to focus myself on the spiritual way of life in here. To continue to change the best I can. And when I have been helped by others, having been reminded of the changes I need, then to tell myself once again what my old sponsor told me. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on keeping on. In other words to be willing to give to others freely what was so freely given to me.
Anyway I just need to remember once again why I am so grateful for this wonderful gift I have been given. I owe so much to my Higher Power, this program, and all the people who have helped me along the way. Always, once again I need to say thank you.