Ah, the Tenth Step. The spiritual axiom in the 12&12, that whenever I’m disturbed there is something wrong with me. How true. And this happened today. And I can see I was wrong. Doesn’t matter what is wrong with the other person. I have to deal with me and not make a judgment.
I learned that a long time ago and here I go again. Proof positive that no matter how long I stay sober I’m still a human being and subject to my faults. And I will be until the end. Like the BB tells me I’m imperfect. Definitely not a saint it states. And like my sponsor and those old timers told me I was going to stumble over and over again. My old sponsor said that when I did I was to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. In other words to continue to practice spirituality and sobriety.
I made a bad decision today because of one person’s anger. So I did something I thought would clear that up. The reality was that I should have minded my own business. The Serenity Prayer. My need for serenity for what I could not change. Instead of stopping and backing up, I plunged ahead. And that led to a bad situation, which really got in my way and made me angry.
Once again my fault. My wrong. Now I need to back off and let go. There’s no way I can make an amend. Not possible, I know that from other happenings. So, I have to go to my Higher Power and let go and let Him.
I kind of thought at the moment I was being humorous. I often think myself more funny than serious. It’s one thing to be funny and another to take things seriously. I know from experience what that is, but I tend to forget easily. Anyway I needed to sit and think about this and forgive and forget.
Once again it’s a reminder that my primary purpose is to practice this program so that I can stay sober a day at a time. Despite my defects I need to concentrate on why I am here to begin with. And I am grateful for all I have been given. I thank my Higher Power and this program, as well as all those who have helped me.