I was listening to music today and heard a song familiar to me. Que sera sera. I remember Doris Day singing this in a movie and hearing her often later on. What struck me about this song were the repeated phrases, The future is not ours to see, Whatever will be will be.
I have thought of those phrases a lot in this program, when I think of what my sponsor often said to me about staying in the now. Not to go any further than where I’m standing or sitting. From his reminders I’m reminded of how powerless I am over many things, especially the day following this one. Even five minutes from now. An old timer recently brought up the point that we can easily find ourselves five hours ahead of ourselves in our minds, causing us worry, anxiety, fear. Our emotions once more running and controlling our minds.
I can well remember how I used to get caught up with myself and drive myself crazy with my “forecasts”. Often I used to be reminded by a barroom in New York City, which had a sign on its mirror behind the bar, stating “Free Drinks Tomorrow”. Of course when drunks showed up and asked for a free drink they were refused because it always was today. Tomorrow was always in the future.
Anyway I was thinking about this because it has a lot to do with my peace of mind, the freedom from bondage I have been experiencing in this program. How, having learned this, it put me at peace that I had never really experienced until I began to learn this kind of stuff from those old timers. And, of course, I always relate this stuff to my Higher Power. The spiritual basis of this program. Where I receive the strength and power I need to stay sober a day at a time. Today and not tomorrow.
Funny how this stuff comes to mind now and then and reinforces my thoughts about staying sober this day. To some this might seem light hearted or light headed. But not for me. I will always take what I can get. To me it’s a gift for which I am grateful.
I know how destructive our thinking can be to alcoholics like myself. It took me a long time to turn my head around from listening to my sponsor and others who helped me to begin to change. I can never ever forget how “superior” I must have felt when I thought I knew. Thankfully my sponsor caught me on that and told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. Of course he was right and I had to have my over sized ego deflated in depth to wake me up to that fact. I learned that I was not in control. It was one of those moments which I think saved my sobriety.
Anyway I thought I might stop this day and think about something like this, which reminds me of why I am here.