Over time in this program I think it’s not a surprise that we can find ourselves stumbling over something we might have thought was long gone, because we “dealt with it” in one of these Steps. Possibly a defect. Some fault we might have thought we were rid of.
The reason I bring this up is that we’ve already been told in the chapter How It Works why it will come back when we have been sober quite a while. It tells us we are not saints. We’re still human…plus the fact we’re alcoholics with enlarged egos. Self centered at times to the extreme. Wanting to control. And that may be when we might find ourselves getting tripped up.
The reason I was thinking about this today was the result of a conversation I had earlier. A friend who was struggling with their willingness to get along in dealing with someone else. As I listened to them I knew I didn’t want to get into depth with whatever was going on. All I thought about was what would help them to by pass these moods. And I went back to what I learned to practice a long time ago. Change my attitudes.
And today I practiced that no matter what was going on it didn’t matter. I avoided the idea of a negative attitude and assumed a positive attitude no matter what I was facing. And of course for me this all had to do with trying to practice these principles in all of my affairs. In other words I was attempting to put the spiritual life and my sobriety into all of my affairs.
It’s so simple that I almost missed it back when I was first told to practice this in my daily living in striving to live a sober life. However one night it finally hit me. And that’s when I decided I needed to follow directions and change. For me it was part of putting this program into action. That part of learning to get along with others. And I realized that if I wanted to do that I was going to have to change my attitudes.
Often I would sometimes find myself not waking up in a good mood and possibly heading out in a negative state of mind. And sometimes I would go to a mirror and look at myself and do something to cut me down and make myself laugh at me. And then I could go out the door with a smile on my face and meet others with good humor. I didn’t have to explain it. It just was. And I found that it often got others to return a smile with their own smile and their own humor in response.
All of this is part of what I learned in here. I was told not to take myself so seriously. I was to take this program and my staying sober seriously, but not myself. To lighten up. And I have tried to learn and practice that.
Why am I thinking this way? For several reasons. The first had to do with how my day went for me by putting out a positive attitude to everyone I met and talked to. Even in moments of serious conversations. I knew I could be serious and not negative. And it worked. The other was to remember, when I run into some of my old stuff, when I find myself fumbling and stumbling, I don’t have to tear myself down. I only have to do whatever I need to and nothing more. I don’t have to go back to where I often found myself before, condemning myself for what is not worth that weight on myself. I can go to my Higher Power and ask for help and assistance instead of withdrawing and burying myself in that old guilt complex.
I was thinking about learning to keep an open mind instead of a closed one that I used to have after I got sober. Part of that is a positive attitude and learning to pick myself up and dusting myself off and sharing with my Higher Power and another like myself in here.
Anyway I was thinking about staying sober this day. Makes me comfortable to look down and see where my feet are and to keep myself in the present moment. Makes me feel that I’m on the right path in living this sober way of life. A reminder to me that I need to practice this program in my life, if I want to stay sober. Makes me happy when I think about it. Like I said, comfortable. And it also makes me grateful to my Higher Power and all those who help me to stay and maintain this way of life.