How easy it is for us to get tied up within from our emotions. Funny thing for me is when I do I often find out that what happened had nothing to do with current events or often people in the present. If I’m honest and striving to find out how to live a spiritual way of life I may never find out where all this stuff comes from, but the truth is that I can get pulled down within myself.
What happens then? I know from the past situations I can get depressed. I can find myself feeling sorry for myself. I can get angry, hostile, resentful, and the list goes on. The question is what am I going to do about these things? Am I going to give into my bondage of self, or am I going to do something which can help me and those around me?
I can look back and hear my old sponsor and some of those old timers, who reached out to me and shared their solutions with me on how to handle myself in these situations. I was given a number of ways, but the ones I always remember have to do with my thinking and not how I’m feeling. I was told that I could change my attitude from the negative to the positive. Doesn’t matter what my feelings are at the moment. The fact is that if I am willing to change my attitude I begin to change within and without.
However I found out over time from those who shared with me, as I have from studying the BB and other AA literature, that what I need to do as quickly as possible is to ask my Higher Power for the help I need. I need to turn myself over to Him and do what I’m told to do in here. To pray and let go and let the God of my understanding do for me what I can’t do for myself.
One of the things I know I was urged to do was, when I found myself getting pulled down, to stop, step back, pray, and start my day over. If possible to get to a mirror and take a look at myself and put a smile on my face. Just as often I have made a joke of myself, which often makes me laugh at myself. I have to remember not to take myself so seriously. What I need to take seriously is this program. To take my sobriety seriously. That I never ever want to drink again. And I need all the help I can get at times from my Higher Power and those sober alcoholics like myself, who can share with me and help me to do the next right thing.
One way which I know always helped me was to attend a meeting. I know when I do that I will find the weight of the world being lifted off my shoulders. That I can find myself at peace and my entire attitude changed from negative to positive. Often I have discovered that I was happy and content. Amazing.
Anyway I was thinking about this today. Need to stop now and then and remember why I am here. I’m definitely not here to go to war with the world. I need to remember how I was when I was back out there drinking and how I am since then. Sober. I also have to remember that I have stumbled over myself in here and that I was helped up by others and by the strength and the power of the God of my understanding. It definitely makes me grateful to be reminded that I don’t have to give into my negativity. I can be positive and at peace with myself one day at a time.