I was looking at a book by Chuck C. “A New Pair of Glasses”, and reading an introduction by another alcoholic, who used a quote from Herbert Spencer, a 19th Century British philosopher. The final thought in the quote was about what blinds us and keeps us ignorant. Contempt prior to investigation. That can keep a lot of alcoholics away from getting help.
I know I had read that quote a long time ago, and here it was today, after a friend of mine had forwarded that book to me. It certainly was a reminder how I was, when I first came to this program. I was just like so many people I hear coming into the rooms today. Just like one old timer pointed out to me early on in this program, when he told me to shut up. He said that I knew how to drink, but I didn’t know how to stay sober. He was so totally right.
Not only was I like that in the beginning, because I thought I knew what I was talking about. The truth was that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That’s what my sponsor pointed out to me. It was a wake up call. It got me to surrender to the Second Step and began my “unlearning” what I thought I knew and learning what I needed to know and to begin working this program into my life.
I run across that same kind of thinking today in some of those who come into these rooms and begin to talk before they have any idea of what this program is about. Like me they have never learned, as I failed to back then, that I had to be quiet and get an open mind and open heart and begin to listen to those who have worked this program and are sober practicing this spiritual way of life in here. That’s when I began to learn that time takes time. None of this is going to happen over night.
Contempt prior to investigation. Today I can laugh at myself. How I once was. I was totally ignorant, because I was so contemptuous. I look back and think how, if I had stayed that way and got my head and my heart full of resentments at the old timers in here, I might have ended up drinking again and died, as I witnessed so many others do.
Like I said, I am so grateful for all those old timers, who took the time to reach out and help me and support me to stay here in this program and to put it into action in my life. That introduction into that Second Step opened the door for me to the spiritual way of life I have found and try to follow. I know how much my Higher Power enabled me to get an open mind and an open heart. Like I said, I sure didn’t get it over night.
One thing I remember learning in here to do away with my contemptible thinking was that I learned that I was never ever to quit trying no matter what. I learned to never give up no matter what. I found that I had to learn how to persevere in all the areas I needed to stay sober.
I think one of the things which helped me to open my heart and my mind was the fact that I had already surrendered to the First Step. I knew I was powerless over alcohol and I never ever wanted to drink again. That was the only thing I knew in the beginning, but it gave me something on which to build. And I did over time. A long time. Not always easy, but I can never forget all the help and support I got in here.
And, of course, all the help I have received from my Higher Power. I was to learn in here how much hope I had to get to keep on keeping on. And then to build faith from that hope. Especially when I saw that hope being fulfilled in here. And finally I had to learn how to do something I certainly failed in while I was out there drinking. I had to learn how to love. To grow in compassion. And I was told that I must persevere in hope, faith, and love. And that if I lost one of these I would lose them all.
Anyway, after I read that statement, it reminded me and took me back to the way I once was. How grateful I am for the gifts I have been given in here. And how much this often inspires me to hope, faith, and compassion. Wanting to give away what I have been given. I know that it’s how I can keep what I have been so freely given by so many. One way of expressing my thanks for all the gifts I have found in here, especially my sober life.