Interesting evening. Tonight I had a friend of mine call and we spent some time sharing a lot of stuff. Amazing how we’re all so similar in what is wrong with us. And how the Second and Third Steps can work in our lives. That dependency we learn to have on our Higher Power for the power and strength I need to continue to stay sober a day at a time.
As we talked, one thing jumped out at me. Something my old sponsor kept reminding me of. Never quit, no matter what. I had to learn how to hang in there and be able to go through things I had always given up on in the past. Now I had to practice being persistent. To go to meetings on a regular basis regardless of what was going on. Didn’t matter how I felt. I was to learn that I cannot stay sober by myself. I had to be able to be among others like myself, who could help me get through things I often had given up on before. Not now.
I was beginning to learn to live a different way of life. I had to learn how to do things differently. And that’s where these Steps came into my life. And once again it was that Second Step which opened the door to all of this. I had to come to believe in a Power greater than myself. Not easy for someone who wanted to be in control of everything.
But now I was slowly getting my mind and my eyes open and came to understand just how powerless I really was. That Serenity Prayer was starting to make sense to me. I, like so many others I’ve heard in here, was beginning to learn to say that prayer over and over. That and other short prayers during the day, asking for the help I needed to get through whatever was in front of me.
No matter how discouraged I might feel about whatever it was that I had to face, I had to continue to hang in there and not quit. To ask for the help I felt I so desperately needed. I can remember how many times I would feel weighted down with my problems and I would go to meetings anyway. I would sit there feeling almost paralyzed by my stuff and as I did I would begin to feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. By the end of the meeting I would find myself amazed at how free I felt. I could walk away without a problem.
And, when I think about this idea of not quitting and hanging in despite what I thought or felt, I am reminded of that day I heard this monk speaking in church. He said that we all needed to learn perseverance. To keep on keeping on. To begin to learn how to develop hope. To keep on hoping no matter what. Then to start believing. To develop our faith in our Higher Power, especially when we could see our hopes being fulfilled. Never to give up in our faith. And finally to begin to grow in love. He said that if we ever stopped in one of these, if we stopped perseverance, we would lose all the rest. If we wanted to grow along spiritual lines we had to keep on keeping on.
Anyway I had to stop after we talked and take the time to sit and think about all of this. It really was what began to bring about the changes in my life. My thoughts went back to that first sentence in the fifth chapter in the BB, How It Works. That statement that rarely have any of us failed, who thoroughly followed this path we’re on in here. We can stay sober if we never ever give up. I know how I feel about all of this. I know I never ever want to drink again. And the solution is to work this program and continue to do this each and every day. I know that I get all the strength and help in here through the God of my understanding, my Higher Power, and the people in here like myself, who are sober and practicing this program, who share with me. I am so grateful.