Today an old friend showed up and one of the things we said to each other was how great this way of life is for both of us. We both agreed it’s truly a miracle. And that got me to talking and thinking about living this way of life.
One of the subjects of the meeting today was living this sober life a day at a time. When I came into this program, because I wasn’t listening, I thought about staying sober the rest of my life. A day at a time wasn’t there yet. And that was because I never wanted to drink again. I think that day at a time came into my life, when I finally learned that I didn’t know that I didn’t know what I was thinking or talking about.
Actually living this way of life a day at a time is such a relief. It keeps someone like me from going off into the future or back into the past. I learned from my sponsor and others that I was to look where my feet are and that’s where I am at any given moment. I’m not into tomorrow or yesterday. I’m right here.
Of course that meant that I had to learn how to eventually control my emotions, which when they’re in charge of my mind they will often run me into the future so that I become governed by anxiety, fear, worry, and anger. Maybe even self pity. And of course resentments, especially when I might go back into the past.
And this is where practicing these Steps and the spiritual way of life comes into my daily life. I had to learn in here how to trust and rely on my Higher Power to do for me what I cannot do for myself. If I wanted to stay sober and live a sober way of life, I had to change and one of those was to come to believe and have faith in the God of my understanding.
Not only to practice faith and to live a prayer life, but I had to learn how to get honest with myself. As difficult as it was to reach the Tenth Step and to put the spiritual axiom, whenever we’re disturbed there’s something wrong with us, into practice. To start to see the truth and not the fiction my egotistical personality had been putting out for so many years, both out there and in here. That was really difficult because I always wanted to blame others for my “problems”.
The result of this way of life is it is one which has led me to a place where I am happy for the most part. And the same with peace of mind. And for a lot of the time in here I have been freed from a lot of these emotions. Not that they don’t come back, but because I’m still human, they do. They’re no longer the same as they once were and that’s a relief in one sense. But the fact they are there can trip me up. My over sized ego, along with my immature nature can lead me down the wrong way. Like the BB tells me, I’m not a saint.
One of the other things I also learned from my sponsor was that I needed to practice never giving up. I was told that I was never to quit no matter what difficulties I might run into. I was also told that I had to learn to not only depend on my Higher Power, but to reach out to others and learn how to depend on their help also. And that has taught me how to make friends and to learn how to begin to love one another in here. And all a day at a time. It’s the foundation of my spiritual sober life. Beyond my wildest dreams.