After several others sharing with me today I found myself once again going back to the prayer of St. Francis about turning despair into hope. I’ve often been pulled to this part of that prayer because of all the hope I was given back when I was ending my drinking life. It was someone who gave me hope, which stopped me from committing suicide and praying to the God of my understanding and being freed from alcohol as a result. That I never want to forget. And hope has become part of my life.
I always want to be able to help others and instill hope into their lives, when they feel dreadful and hopeless. I know it’s not always easy to give up the despair one might be feeling because of whatever is seems to be the inevitable. One of the steps in bringing hope into the picture is what I learned in here. Wherever I am at the moment, right now, is what is. Nothing of tomorrow is in the picture at the moment. Whatever the future might hold is not in the present. So, I had to learn to stay in the present and not drift into the future. To keep my emotions out of the picture. To develop and maintain hope.
I also had to learn to laugh at myself. Not to take myself so seriously. The only thing I needed to take seriously was what I needed to do to stay sober. I also learned to change my attitude from the negative to the positive and stay as far away from my emotions as possible. To turn them over to my Higher Power to protect me from them and to heal that part of me. I know it has made a big difference in my life over time.
I know Bill W. knew a lot about our emotions owning us and holding our brains and our thoughts captive and running our lives. He wrote an article about maturing emotionally. In other words growing up and becoming an adult. He said that it was too bad that so many alcoholics he knew and worked with were still immature and how he himself went through the same thing but learned how he had to change. And I do know that when I came in a lot of these old timers had gone through that emotional change. And that’s what they tried to tell me and help me learn how to make those changes in myself.
And that’s where hope comes in to the picture for me. To learn to depend on my Higher Power to help me to change by putting the spiritual life in this program into action each and every day. One day at a time. For me that’s part of what this program is about. My staying sober and changing from what I was when I came here into a different person.
And yes I know I’m not a saint. I’m a human being, an alcoholic and subject to tripping over my defects, my faults. Hardly perfect and in need of help and support so that I can stay sober. Yet I know that if I continue to try to try to persevere and maintain hope, followed by continual faith and belief in my Higher Power, and then pursuing compassion and love in this program by being willing to give what I have learned and experienced in here to the suffering alcoholic, that I will be able to stay sober a day at a time.
After those conversations earlier today I had to stop and think about helping others to avoid despair and acquiring hope. I don’t know if I’m able to do that, but I know it was up to me to try to help. Part of that compassion to be given to the alcoholic who is suffering. Anyway I know it helped me. And I know the source of all this is the hands of my Higher Power. Makes me grateful to be sober and to be able to at least try to do the right thing.