One of the things which became clear, as we were talking about gratitude today, related to my sponsor. More importantly what he said to me many years ago. It was when he told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That was a gift which changed my life. It really helped me to begin to really stay sober and put this program into action.
The reason it began to change me was that it woke me up to the fact that I had been sleep walking in this program. I had resisted what was being told to me, because I didn’t want to believe that the people in here knew what they were doing. And what they were doing which made me rebel was living a spiritual life. I didn’t want that. I just didn’t want to ever drink alcohol again.
But what my sponsor said woke me up. In fact it was at that point that he introduced me to the Second Step. Just what I needed I discovered. It opened the door to this program for me. I never want to forget that. Then I discovered it stopped me in my tracks because I then had to get through and past the Third Step. I say “get past”, which isn’t true. I’m never done with these principles in here. They’re always present in my life. If I want to stay sober I have to keep that door open and continue putting this program into action one way or another. Funny thing is that I have been saying that Third Step prayer every morning now for a lot of years. It expresses what I need to say to my Higher Power. To dedicate my life for that day to my staying sober.
Anyway, as I sat there listening to others, it hit me. My sponsor had told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. What it made me wonder was do I know now after all this time? My guess was not really. I mean I know I have learned a lot, but one thing is that I often forget what it is I need to remember to do this day. That’s why I need to go to meetings so I can hear what it is I need to hear to help me to continue to change in order to continue to stay sober.
But more than that I know. At least I say “I know”. The truth is that I have found that I’m still learning. I know I need to keep an open mind. Once I close it I could be headed toward trouble. Also I know I often forget what the BB told me what I have also heard from a few spiritual people in this world. That we’re not saints. I learned that I was going to run into myself in this program. I’ll trip myself up with my faults and defects, which are still around. Maybe not as bad as they once were, but enough to get in my way. I had to learn from my sponsor how to handle these things. To pick myself up and dust myself off and get right back on this path in here.
I’m grateful for so much in this program. Not just my being sober but all the help I have been given to stay sober by my Higher Power and the people in this program who have helped me along the way. Anyway I need to say thanks.