Have had a lot of conversations lately, or sharing, where a lot of emotions were involved. All of them were definitely invitations to another drink. Anger, fear, resentment, worry, anxiety, were just a few. And I have seen the consequences of a lot of these in the past.
Of course anger and intolerance are right at the top of the list. Another one raised today in our meeting adds to this danger of taking a drink and ending ones life. Self pity. Nothing like feeling sorry for oneself to push us back into alcohol. I have seen suicides as a result. Need to remember that and of course avoid these kind of emotions.
A friend of mine and I spent a lot of time talking about our emotional lives and their source and how to deal with them and get rid of the danger they can certainly play in the alcoholic’s life. In fact I received a call after that where one man was tied up in anger, resentments, and self pity. Made me think and try to talk about the solution to these problems.
The bottom line, I know for me, is found in the Second and Third Steps. Asking for the help I need and hoping and believing that the God of my understanding, my Higher Power, will give me the power and strength I need to change. To help me not only get rid of my over powering emotions but to heal me from their hold on me. And that’s what my friend and I were going over this afternoon. The spiritual answer this program provides us with.
In fact I brought the spiritual solution up to the alcoholic on the phone and hoped I could give him an example of how this has worked in my life. All I have to do is to look how the drink has been removed from my life. I haven’t had any alcohol over the years I have been in this program. Not only that, but all I have to do is to look at the fact that after all these years in here I am still alive. I should have been dead back just before I got sober. Amazing to me I know. My friend and I talked about these miracles in our lives.
This program works. I have not only seen this in my life, but the lives of thousands of others I have know over the years. When I see people come in and want to talk and go back out again, I have to think of what my sponsor told me back early on. He said that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That may sound like old stuff, but it’s really true. Like one old timer once told me that I knew how to drink but I had no idea how to stay sober. Yet he said that I wanted to tell others what I believed the answer was to all my problems. My sponsor and he were right on the money. Didn’t matter how much education I had. It was absolutely of no help at all.
The truth was, I discovered in here, was that I needed to put all of my insane thinking aside and my overlarge ego, which wanted to control everything. I had to slowly throw all I thought I knew out the window and begin to take in what I needed desperately to hear. The truth about this disease and the solution. And the solution I discovered is spiritual in nature.
Whatever that means for each individual. What makes sense to us.
I was glad that I was given the opportunity I found I needed today. The gift of these individuals. I have no idea if I was any help to anyone these past few days. Or even over time in here. All I know is that I was told that part of this program is there for me to give the message of this program to those alcoholics who are still suffering. To practice compassion with others like myself. And I know that doing this makes me the beneficiary on each occassion. Amazing.
Anyway I had to stop and think about all of this. It’s about staying sober one day at a time. Can’t help but feel grateful for all I have been given in here. How much I owe to my Higher Power and all those who have helped me along the way. I always have to go back and think about my old sponsor and how he turned my life around by introducing me to the spirituality of this program, when he showed me the Second Step.