It’s amazing to me how this program works. Over and over again I have sat down and thought about how this works for me. And my listening at meetings and talking to others tells me it’s the same for all of us. What I was thinking about is the spiritual aspect.
I talked to a couple of people these past few days. Actually more than a couple. Their stories make me think about what a wonderful program this is for us all. I mean here were people, who had different things happen and despite how difficult it could have been for them they all ended up happy and at peace with themselves.
I know I have gone through much the same things, but hearing it from others impresses me. Being able to ask for the help and the strength they needed to go through their struggles and find that they received what they needed is amazing. Here I am stating this and it makes me wonder if I am even spiritual at all.
I think I ask myself that because I have never ever felt that I am a spiritual person. Although, when I have asked for help, I have received it. I think I feel that way because, like a number of others I have talked to over time, they tell me the same story I have. My difficulty in saying prayers and getting lost in the process. My mind wandering off and finally waking up at the end. The “amen”. And sometimes the feeling that I’m not getting any contact no matter what I do or think. How many have told me the same thing.
Yet I know I have read about praying and the feeling of the lack of contact. Seems, according to one spiritual director, that this is nothing new. It happens to the majority of us, he states. Even in spiritual communities, where people are dedicated to living a spiritual life in a constant way. The fact that we are all human beings and not saints. We all have our thoughts and feelings which get in our way. And the spiritual applications have to be willed by each and every one of us.
When I ask myself these questions, all I have to do is to stop and look around and see what has happened in my life. The first thing is that I have a life. I probably should have been dead years ago. However I stopped drinking and came here and have been sober ever since. All I have to do is to remind myself of how I began this sober life.
There I was in total despair, blackness within me. So desperate because I could not stop drinking no matter what. I had already escaped near death a number of times, but now I was going to take my own life. And that’s when a friend came and gave me hope. That same night I prayed for help and I received it. I woke up the next day and the alcohol was gone from me. A few days later I came into this program and have been here ever since.
How can I ever deny the spiritual connection in my life? All I have to do is look around and see that I have been given so much in this program. Peace of mind, happiness, freedom from alcohol, a sober way of life, which has changed me. It’s one of those things I cannot deny.
And all I have had to do to have this way of life is to do what I was told. I had guidance from others, who were already living this way of life. I watched them and eventually was able to do what they did. Not perfectly, but better than it was before. And each and everyday I have a chance to improve. And still I stumble over myself because, as that spiritual director pointed out, I am human. Plus I have this disease of alcoholism.
I learned that I could not stay sober by myself. I believe that, because I have seen what has happened to so many, who went off on their own. Not good. And I never wanted to drink again, so I have determined to go to meetings regularly. Begin each day with prayers and go to be with others like myself. To listen and share and hope that the opportunity we are given may be shared with those who are suffering and need what we have.
Anyway once again I have had to stop and take time to think about this sober way of life I have found in here. Truth is that I am grateful for all I have been given. I haven’t had to drink in a long time. I really never think about a drink most of the time. I know I have been restored to sanity as far as alcohol is concerned. I have had that spiritual awakening. Maybe more. Awakenings. And I am grateful.
Just thinking.