Today I started to write to a good friend of mine about some things which were bothering them. I went into a lot of details, which described my own life at present, in order to help relieve them of what was in their way. But then I had other conversations with others today and I had to go back and stop. And I thought of a lot of these conversations over time and realized that what I was writing was common to us all, and I needed to stop and think about this. The answer I know is spiritual and that’s exactly what this program offers us all.
What started all of this was someone asking how they can be sober a long time, practicing this program to the best of their ability, and still having problems they believe they came into the program with. For instance, tensions, anger, resentments, worry, anxiety, control issues, negative attitudes, and even self pity at times.
Of course, the longer they have been in, the less serious some of these seem to be. But, nevertheless, they create discomfort and questioning oneself as to whether they are growing along spiritual lines at all.
I know that I have certainly gone through a lot of what all these folks were talking about. And, I know that I have been subject to all the same feelings. Then again I know that I had to look at the big picture of my life in here, as far as my spirituality has been. I certainly looked at the support of my old sponsor and others like him and how they have helped me. Yet, I definitely knew that they were not spiritual directors or counselors. In fact, looking around the rooms over time, I have never run across any of these in here.
So I stopped and went back and read about the spiritual life by a well known spiritual man, an elderly Trappist Monk. And as I read what he had to say about the spiritual life of all human beings, whether people like ourselves or religious people in all forms of living. They could be ministers, monks in monasteries, nun in convents, churches, living among us, or remotely in silence. The fact of the matter he said is that we’re all human and have human problems. In other words, unmanageable lives, which we have to be responsible for to seek the changes we all need. They might appear to be different, but the bottom line is that we all have these disturbances no matter what they might seem to be.
And, of course, as one famous psychiatrist wrote about, that even doctors trying to help us, cannot cure what is wrong with us. That was half of his book. The rest was spent on what could cure us: spirituality. Trying to apply ourselves to spiritual principles.
My take on all of this is that it’s up to me to seek the help I need, the strength I need to bring about the changes in my life. I can do this by asking my Higher Power to help me. I know I have to develop the hope I need and then the faith and not quit. And then I have to learn to get off my case and do what the Third Step in here says. To let go and let God.
The next step for me is to be open and share what’s going on with me with my sponsor and others in this program. I have found that it’s how I can adjust to whatever is going on. How I find the courage and the peace of heart and mind. How to learn I can change and control my attitude. I know that if I will but stop I can see that I’m still experiencing peace of mind and heart. Also happiness and gratitude for the miracle of my sobriety and my life. Who would have thought this would ever have happened, when I was back there drinking?
Anyway, once again I have stopped to think about my sobriety today. Like I was thinking of how grateful I am for all I have been given, despite my imperfections. I know I never want to drink again and know that if I continue to stay aware of what’s going on and be willing to put this program to work, when I find myself on my case, I will be all right.